How to decide to step into marriage?Yang Yaqing: If you feel that you are important, you will not lose yourself|Talk to Xuan Xuan EP9

We often hear people say that marriage is the grave of love, and it takes a little madness and impulsiveness to step on this grave.

In this episode, I-PRIMO, a Japanese wedding ring brand, invites writer Yang Yaqing to talk about her marriage and love. Kissed a hundred people on the streets of Paris back then, a free and romantic soul, what is "the first step" that makes her willing to step into marriage?

In seven years, the three children occupied the daily life of their husband and wife, and there was no breathing room, she said, I have no regrets, but now she always feels that marriage is indeed the grave of love.

One is willing to speak, the other is willing to listen, and the relationship is still there

"Both of us are very busy, and we don't have time for ourselves from the time we get home until the time our children go to bed, and when we finally get to bed, we are already paralyzed. 」

The firewood, rice, oil and salt in the marriage overwhelmed the two of them, and when they gave birth to their third child, the husband and wife were officially like riding on the same boat, whether it was love or family, life and death.

Yang Yaqing said at the beginning that every time the relationship between the two came back to life, it was like God helping. One of the "mysterious powers" is her husband's constant willingness to listen: "He has known me for so long, he is still curious about me, he will say that he still wants to get to know me, even if he is tired every day, he is still very willing to listen to me. 」

"His willingness is a big part of the key to our marriage. 」

Wei Xuan also felt that we are all individual individuals, because we are married, there is a holiday in Japan called "Good Couple Day", which is intended to encourage couples to express their gratitude to each other in a timely manner. Or, in other words, always remember to connect with each other. Just like for Yaqing, one is willing to speak, the other is willing to listen, and this relationship is still there. Once the door is closed, it's dangerous.

If marriage wears out love, but for her, the deeper she goes, the more she discovers, it is also the ordeal that makes love born again.

Everything but your will: "The First Step" of marriage

But if you return to the entrance of marriage, this starting point that countless people yearn for but are also afraid of, I have never been in it, so I don't know what is going on inside, I am full of curiosity and I can't help but be anxious, how did the "first step" come about?

Wei Xuan shared his experience here.

"I'm a flash marriage. At that time, after three months of dating, we thought we could get married, but a month before we really got married, I suddenly didn't want to get married. 」

Relatives and friends have been notified, the banquet restaurant has also been booked, and the bride's back clip is sweaty, but for the sake of personal freedom, you still have to muster up the courage to confess truthfully. I thought it would be the site of a nuclear explosion, but I didn't expect that the other party just worriedly, holding the steering wheel, and calmly saying as usual, "Okay, no problem, you can do whatever you want." 」

Maybe you also have the experience that when you are hesitant about the relationship, you will try all kinds of ways to prove that the other party just doesn't love you, and you want to prove that your insecurity is justified. But for Wei Xuan at that time, he got a sentence, "There is no problem, those are not important, because the most important thing is you." 」

Wei Xuan said that that was her "first step", that was the first time she felt that this person, I could.

Why do you want to stay in marriage? My happiness has become more profound

But for Yaqing, getting married is really a spur of the moment, and so is having children.

It's just that in the past, how could the soul who was so free in the "Hundred Kisses Paris" be willing to stop at a man's side, and stop for seven years?

Photography of "Hundred Kisses in Paris", photo source: Yang Yaqing

And now I feel that it is because my happiness has become more profound: "This is not the same kind of happiness that a person has, and this feeling has become very complicated and a little painful. 」

In the case of husband and wife, although there are joys and sorrows, and sometimes the pain is greater than the joy, it also makes the relationship between each other closer, whether it is love or responsibility, and sometimes it is not clear. But at least I'll know to be with this person, she said, and I'd love to.

In terms of the role of a mother, of course, the body is less free, and there are many constraints in life, however, the birth of the child is constantly expanding herself, making her a more tolerant person, letting her know what I have lost all, but I can still get it back. She said that this is the most fulfilling thing in life.

"It's hard to be a mother, and sometimes that hard work makes me like myself more, and although it makes me hate myself more a lot of times, but in the end, I actually like myself more. 」

Yaqing and her three children, picture source: Yang Yaqing

"Letting go and setting the child free" is the bravest thing I've ever done in my life

For Yaqing, the beauty of having a baby is that you finally see yourself from the perspective of a bystander, and you have the opportunity to live a new life with your child, or make some choices again.

"But there are pitfalls. Avoid using children to make up for your regrets. 」

"For example, I'm a very strong person, and when I see that my kid is so strong, I think, what do I do? You know what setbacks he's going to go through. 」

is not only a bystander, but also a passerby, reluctant to see the child fall, to see the child in pain, is the common mood of mothers.

"But at this point, I take a deep breath and shut myself up. I'm like, at my age, in this position, I'm not good? I'm fine. Then I'll let him go according to his personality. Give him the possibility of freedom. 」

Even if you want your child to have his experience, it is not easy. But she almost forced herself to do it: "Otherwise, he will only use his mother's advice to live like his mother, and he will not be himself." After that, she said that she was willing to let her child fall, which was probably braver than anything she had ever done in her life.

As a free soul, Yang Yaqing and her husband have built a home together, and everyone in the family has the freedom she embraces. And Wei Xuan also added that if you feel that you are important, really, you don't have to be afraid of losing yourself.

"Yes, I do" is not only a declaration at the wedding, but also every moment after the wedding

What is love? What is marriage? In this conversation with Yaqing, I saw that maybe all this is very complicated. Because of you, these days are full of quarrels, hurts, and frustrations, but also because it is you, you can experience intimacy, trust, and the companionship of never giving up.

As she said at the end, "I'm still happy to get married. I may know this man better, I may have experienced what it's like to live with someone, not every moment is great, many moments are not great,....... But we've all made countless adjustments to get to where we are today, and what I see is endless willingness. 」

So, just as I-PRIMO wants to convey, the phrase "Yes, I do", we put on the wedding ring, not only at the scene of the proposal, the time of the wedding declaration, not only the present, but all the time, no matter happiness, challenges, or tribulations. Just like Wei Xuan said at the end, marriage is not good happiness, it is not "usual" happiness, everything, the days with you are not ordinary happiness.

Find the footprints of happiness, the deeper love of the day, let I-PRIMO accompany you / you >> step out of The First Step