What to do with the imposter syndrome?"Quiet is a superpower" author Zhang Yuren: Failure is used to accumulate, and if you collect enough, miracles will happen!|Talk to Xuan Xuan about EP20

Zhang Yuren once published "Quiet is a Superpower" Talking about introversion as a superpower, there is nothing bad, she always said don't call me a writer, I am an author, her first book, so far has been brushed in Taiwan 21 times, sold 160,000 copies in Japan, and is listed on the New York Times bestseller list, becoming the first Taiwanese writer in Taiwan to reach the first place on the foreign bestseller list.

"Talking to Xuan Xuan" invited Zhang Yuren to bring her new book "Don't Pretend, You Can Shine", to share with us what experience you will have as a person with imposter syndrome in addition to being introverted, and how to overcome it.

What to do with imposter syndrome and how to deal with the imposter mentality?

"I think we have reached this age, we just need to live our own lives, and we have now reached the stage where we can start to reconcile with ourselves, just be ourselves," Zhang Yuren said, at this age, we finally began to reconcile, seeing our own difficulties, and seeing what we can do.

In Zhang's view, the occurrence of imposter syndrome is related to quietness. Quietness in the workplace is not a universally loved trait, and the public often places a lot of "shoulds", so people learn a lot of shoulds, and subtly receive social hints that "my original appearance is not good enough".

In the face of the ticking time bomb imposter syndrome, Cheung shared three ways to pull people out of the imposter situation:

1. Build up your arsenal of confidence: Write down any small achievement, and when you re-experience yourself as an imposter, the writing becomes a kind of proof, a shot in the arm, and you can take out the words you write.
2. Finding sustenance: It's like what you hold in your hand when the waves hit, and that thing could be a person, an activity, or yourself. Finding a way to get yourself out of that situation first is like sticking your head out of the sea first to give yourself a way to breathe.
3. Practice failure beforehand: Self-verification failures sometimes appear at the same time as impostors, thinking that you must not be able to do it, you will definitely fail, you can try to remind yourself when the last failure was, before the failure may happen again, prepare such a plan, so that when the experience comes, although violent, but not so that you will be drowned

(Guess what to do: what should I do if there is "imposter syndrome"?Consult a psychologist: In the face of praise, replace self-denial with "thank you")

Picture: "Talking to Xuan Xuan"

Zhang Yuren: Failure is something that is meant to be accumulated, not the end of things

I think the definition of success and failure is within us, and sometimes the definition can be adjusted, try to make success simpler, lower its definition, and become a people-friendly version of success.

As for failure, Zhang Yuren said that she believes that failure needs to be accumulated, it is not the end of things, but something like Pokémon, which can be accumulated and collected, and if there is enough failure, a miracle will occur, and we may not know what that miracle is, but basically failure is a good thing.

This kind of thinking is very different from the "avoiding failure" we have learned since childhood, Zhang Jingren proposed that we should be more active in creating opportunities for failure than avoiding failure, and Wei Xuan also shared her experience of learning how to lose and finding opportunities for success from failure.

Picture: "Talking to Xuan Xuan"

Don't have to go down on your shoulders to find your support system

And in the face of those who find themselves not good at because of understanding, they don't always have to shoulder it, because when you are alone, your thoughts often go to extremes, go to the negative, and finally come to the conclusion that "I really just can't do it", but if you can have your own "support system", so that you can be pulled up by others at the right time, and tell you that you are actually great at the right time, so that you can always know that you are not alone, then maybe you can get strength from it.

Zhang Yuren recalled his past self and would also focus on negative voices, but a sentence from a friend broke the solidification of thinking: "I only think about those who criticize you in my heart, which is not fair to those who really support you." 」

As a result, Zhang began to feel that he had a way to pull out of the emotions of being criticized and focus more on good-natured, supportive words.

Then she found that there was no need to add unnecessary pressure to the image of her imagination, as long as she accepted herself and paid attention to it within the scope of her control.

Behind the scenes: Talking to Xuan Xuan is like swimming in the ocean

At the end of the interview, Zhang Jingren talked about the conversation with Wei Xuan, and she thought that the process was very similar to swimming in the sea, and the feeling of having a friend to explore different places together, with different shades and uncertain directions.

"Wei Xuan has a pair of free wings, and it can't be confined to a frame", compared to the quality of warmth, Wei Xuan in Zhang Yuren's eyes is full of curiosity, and asks a lot of questions that ordinary people will not ask when talking about this book or their own imposter experience, and feel her freedom, including her heart and head.

This kind of feeling of going anywhere through the limitations of space is something that Zhang Yuren has rarely experienced when he talked to others in the past, but in the conversation with Wei Xuan, he can always have this feeling, in her opinion, this is a special interview, maybe as Wei Xuan said, "It's very similar to two planets orbiting in their respective orbits, and they want to touch each other", it turns out that people with introverts and impostor mentality can also get close to each other and find light in each other.