Is marriage a constant guarantee of love? If the answer to this question is no, marriage is not a guarantee of the continuation of love, then the loss of love in marriage is no longer just a fake issue. Women fans invited Dr. Deng Huiwen, the author of "Lost Love in Marriage", to talk to us about why falling out of love in marriage happened? How did the two who went from love to marriage get to the point of falling out of love?
Marriage for one year is called a paper marriage; Five years is called a wooden wedding; In the fifteenth year, it is known as the crystal wedding.
The change in texture and hardness seems to imply that the marriage will become stronger with time, but this is not the case with human feelings.
Since marriage is not a guarantee of the continuation of love, the loss of love in marriage is no longer just a fake issue. Women fans invited Dr. Deng Huiwen, the author of "Lost Love in Marriage", to talk to us about why falling out of love in marriage happened? How did the two who went from love to marriage get to the point of falling out of love?
Why do you fall out of love in marriage? We who love each other do something wrong
"If you're not happy, don't pretend to be happy, and don't pretend it's normal." Deng Huiwen wrote the book "Lost Love in Marriage" to explore the issue of marriage, and adapted it into a stage play, which received a response when it premiered in 2022.
"Falling in love is a complicated thing." In Deng Huiwen's eyes, the sense of love sometimes stems from a little stimulation and a little unpredictability, which is essentially contrary to each other when it advocates stability and is based on the system, so the love in marriage may indeed disappear.
When the relationship goes to a long-term and tends to be stable, it seems to be an inevitability, and it is getting farther and farther away from passionate love.
If the dissipation of love can refer to someone's mistakes, then there may be an outlet for the grievances in the heart, but what is powerless is that both people in the marriage are working hard to do the right thing, but the feeling of love is still gone, no one can understand, what did we do wrong when we love each other?
In marriage, what we are fighting against is actually our own deep regrets
Deng Huiwen said that at different stages of marriage, when they find that they are not in harmony with each other, they need to re-agree on how they want to live with each other.
"In fact, most people don't know if they're disappointed in themselves or their partners." Tang Huiwen said that especially after a certain number of years, many people will think, "Why is my life not better?" will begin to see those places that you have not traveled and cannot reach.
And our partner, as a collaborator in our lives, will be the first to blame. To use the metaphor of crossing a river, "Some people avoid drowning in water by thinking that the other person will lift themselves higher." This is human nature, and it is also the resentment that ordinary people will have in marriage.
However, only by seriously facing your own losses at every stage, not blaming your partner for what you should and can't do, and expecting the other party to bear the weight for you, can you reduce a lot of friction in the relationship.
(Gaying in the same scene: Obviously married but like falling out of love?) Interview with Deng Huiwen "Broken Love in Marriage": Marriage will be lonely, not necessarily because you have done something wrong)
To love oneself is to know oneself and to affirm every little kindness in everyday life
Speaking of individuals, Deng Huiwen also mentioned to us how she views and loves herself.
"Many people have a misunderstanding about loving themselves, thinking that loving themselves is to do what they want to do now, but in fact, what they want to do now is not necessarily the best thing for themselves." Tang believes that before we start the act of loving ourselves, we must further ask, "We have acted, and then what?" If you can't feel the real gain, then you don't learn to love yourself.
In fact, to truly love yourself is to understand yourself first. If a person does not know how good his quality and potential are, he will not know what kind of love he wants to wish for the universe.
Only after understanding the soil and water quality that suits you can you treat yourself in the right way, and when you interact with others, you can also understand your real needs, so you have the ability to express honestly, interact with others with the right script, and no longer use the past pain and vacancy to bury yourself and your partner alive.