Womany Abby
Do you think that life is difficult while lamenting that you should have done this, that you are really no good, and what to do if you don't like it? Then let's take a look at Adlerian psychology that can simplify your life.
Why do I still have regrets even after a year, and why do I miss the purity of those days even after many years? I am grateful to myself for not being confused or being bent by the world and for pushing through my beliefs. This year, we need to show more attitudes that are not bound by rules. Please try more challenges and adventures. If you study Adlerian psychology, you won't have to meet a nicer version of yourself. As long as you can find your true self, that's fine. Because you are nice enough as you are.
In recent years, Adlerian psychology has become widely known. In fact, the influence of Adler's theory can be seen everywhere in the writings of modern psychologists such as Dale Carnegie and Richard Carlson, which we often see and hear in our daily lives. Adlerian psychology has become closer to common sense than a kind of academic discipline. We will not talk about pure psychology, but about interpersonal relationships. If you read through Adlerian psychology books, you will realize that the world is simpler than you think. We must face the world with a clear mind. Here are 5 ways to regain your simple and pure self.
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1. Look to the future, not the past!
"There is no general meaning of life, the meaning of life is what you give to yourself."
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Adler advocated teleology and believed that rather than changing the status quo, humans always look to the investigation of causes. Even if you look for the cause of the past, you will not be able to get closer to your ideal self. It is too reluctant to leave regrets for a lover who broke up or regret giving up on a dream from a young age. It's not so much about where you come from that it's where you're going. From the perspective of Adlerian psychology, the idea of "cause and effect" itself is wrong. People are not dominated or driven by emotions, but use them to achieve certain goals.
However, we always use our emotions to achieve a certain goal, blaming the law of cause and effect. This year, it's time to avoid making decisions based on emotions and take control of your life. Stop hurting people or giving up on what you have decided easily. Don't let your emotions dominate you anymore. You yourself are the master of your emotions.
2. You don't have to be special. It's nice enough as it is now!
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In Adlerian psychology, both the "superiority complex" and the "inferiority complex" are considered pathological conditions. People continue to seek "better than others", but they often have a desire to be recognized by others. They deliberately try to show off their presence, stand out from others, or please people with their "extraordinary" behavior. However, on the other hand, it is up to others whether they can live happily. People who want to be recognized for everything do not think that they are inferior to others, and they do not want to settle for their "ordinary self".
You don't have to be the center of attention all the time. Applause will eventually stop. The audience who evaluated it will eventually leave. After the curtain falls, let's evaluate your good points off the stage. Be your first audience. You don't have to be "special" because you are unique.
3. A life that accepts being hated and lives freely
"To try to love two people is to effectively not love both."
—Adler
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Life without enemies is dangerous. It's proof that you're always in tune with those around you. If you don't want to be hated or liked, everyone may like you. But in the end, you end up hating yourself. If you worry too much about what people think, you will not be able to "act". What others think and think is the task of others. You don't have to worry about that.
There is no perfect freedom in the world. Freedom comes with responsibility. We are all free from birth, but we are bound by the rules and rules we have learned, and we believe that we live within the rules. Even if you think that you are disabled, you are often just putting restrictions on yourself. Freedom is not unlimited. Freedom is accompanied by a trajectory of life. Ichiro Kishimi explains in "Introduction to Adlerian Psychology - For Better Human Relationships" with the example of birds. Birds can fly because they can read air currents. The seemingly obstructive air currents are the force necessary for birds to fly.
4. We do not live to meet the expectations of others. Others don't live to meet your expectations
My problems are mine.
― Adler
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Although there are big and small differences, everyone is different. We tend to get impatient because we are "different from others" and sometimes stand on that difference. In the first place, whether things are right or not is relative, and the important thing is to clarify "whose problem is this?" before starting to solve the problem. I think it is easy to understand from the perspective of "who will ultimately take responsibility". On the other hand, when consulting with a friend about their problems, you should listen to them rather than give advice.
I don't treat my friends as strangers. In personal life tasks, the best thing a close person can do as a bystander is to watch gently without excessive interference. The power of snuggling is much stronger than you might imagine. Your intervention often ruins the other person's previous efforts. Be a good listener and quietly watch as the other person gracefully rises and falls.
5. Move forward, not aim for the top
Adler's psychology believes that vertical relationships are the cause of health damage. Vertical relationships are relationships such as criticism and praise, top-down judgment, and those who have power and those who do not. He insisted on a "horizontal relationship" that does not distinguish between superiority and inferiority of people, and said, "Each person has his own life, and that's all."
Bosses, subordinates, parents and children are just roles. The purpose is not to divide rights by everyone, but to take on their own roles and work in a good direction in parallel to achieve a common goal. On the path of life, some are moving forward, while others are lagging behind. Some people are fast, others are slow. We do not have to achieve our goals through competition. Where are you going? Fast or slow? It's all the result of your choice. You should not prove that you are climbing upwards by winning or losing. You should have the "power to move forward".
You don't have to show off your superiority or prove yourself in an equal relationship with others. You respect and understand that each person is special, just as you acknowledge yourself. People with fast feet can enjoy solitude and cheerfulness. People with slow legs can enjoy crampedness and leisurely comfort. There is no need to envy a person's life. You also have your own life that only you can live.
These five methods are five gifts to yourself. Make more time to face yourself, understand that you are not perfect, and accept the behavior of others who are different from you. You stop using psychology to achieve some purpose and face your core mind through psychology. Learn to take care of your challenges and the freedom to take responsibility for yourself.