Love is not accidental! 36 psychological problems that make you fall in love with a stranger

I often a person, walk a long way, in the wind when I feel like a leaf. Looking up at the stars I wonder: is someone coming towards me from somewhere in the world?

Do you believe in a moment? Do you believe that somewhere in the world, there is such a person coming towards you, and you are walking to meet him on the way?

In love, we have countless injuries after the crash, still believe in absolute, absolute love is so strong, and human beings so small, in the face of love seems we can only keep waiting and believe again.

But according to the New York Times recent report, Falling in Love is a shortcut, two strangers to love, and not as difficult as we think, really? (Recommended reading: Love special tone, each mouth is unique taste )

Things I Hate About you movie stills

Psychologist Arthur Aron and his team have asked 36 questions called "Interpersonal intimacy Test", claiming to quickly increase intimacy between two strangers. Psychologists have also said that if you choose to ask one or more of the following 36 questions and answer them yourself, you can get anyone to love them.

36 questions were split into three groups, each one more in-depth than the previous group. The basic principle is that "there is no cover-up between the two sides of the fragile show can make intimacy rise." "arthur Aron said:" The close relationship between the two elements from both sides, solid, progressive disclosure of the ego. " "Everyone is an armed individual in life, it is not easy to show vulnerability, so through these 36 problems, Arthur Aron is actually a short period of time to remove the atrium, to provide more understanding of each other's first key."

Two strangers who have never been alike, is there a possibility of falling madly in love? The intimacy and trust that takes months to build can be achieved in one night? These 36 questions are like a bet: "Is there anything we think we can do to be human in love?" "(Recommended reading: A lifelong relationship that is not intimate?) )

First stage:

1. If you could choose anyone to be your dinner guest, who would you choose?
2. Do you want to be famous? How do you want to be famous?
3. Have you ever rehearsed what you were going to say before you called? Why?
4. What elements must be in a "perfect" day for you?
5. When was the last time you sang to yourself? The last time you sang to someone?
6. If you could live to be 90 years old, and you could choose to keep your 30-year-old body or 30-year-old soul, which one would you choose to retain?
7. Have you ever had a mysterious feeling about how you were going to die?
8. Say three things you have in common with this gentleman/lady across from you.
9. What is your most grateful thing in life?
10. What would you want to change if you could change any of the things you grew up in?
11. Spend four minutes telling the opposite partner about your life story, the more detailed the better.
12. If you wake up tomorrow morning, you can add a skill or ability, what do you want to be?

(same field Gayon: Eight questions let you see through his heart on the first date )

Second Stage:

1. If there is a crystal ball that can tell you everything about you, your life or your future, what would you most like to know?
2. Is there anything you want to do with your dreams? Why didn't you do it?
3. What is your greatest achievement in life?
4. What is the most important thing you value in friendship?
5. Which memory is the most cherished in your life?
6. What is the worst memory of your life?
7. If you knew that one year later you would die, would you want to change your lifestyle now? Why?
8. What is the meaning of friendship for you?
9. What kind of role does love and love play in your life?
10. Take turns to share five positive qualities in front of your partner
11. How is your family relationship? Do you think you are happier than the children of other families?
12. What do you think of your relationship with your mother?

Phase III:

1. Build three sentences that begin with "we". For example, "We all feel ⋯⋯" in this room.
2. Complete the following sentence: "I wish someone would share ⋯⋯" with me.
3. If you are going to be a close friend to your partner, please share with him what you know as a close friend.
4. Honestly tell your partner where you like him. (To be honest, you'll never even be able to say these things to someone you first met.)
5. Share the most embarrassing moments of your life with your partner.
6. When was the last time you cried in front of someone? Or do you usually cry alone?
7. Tell your partner that you are starting to like some of his qualities.
8. What are you going to be kidding about?
9. If you die tonight and don't have a chance to communicate with anyone before you die, who would you most regret not talking to? Why didn't you tell him that earlier?
10. Your house is on fire, there are all the things you love, you only have a few minutes to save a thing, you will choose to save what?
11. All members of the family who die, you will be most sad? Why?
12. Share one of your personal troubles and ask your partner to give you some advice. Then ask him what he thinks of your personal obsession.

After 36 questions, the final stage is to gaze at each other for four minutes.

Shortly after the publication of the report, the New York Times received a letters from female writer Mandy Len Catron , saying that she had actually tried the 36 questions and four minutes of eye contact at the bar with a strange partner.

"Those 36 questions are naked, but by repeatedly mentioning their fears and vulnerabilities, and sharing experiences, the words that were originally scary seem to have become insignificant." 」

"Staring at each other for four minutes is probably the scariest experience I've had in my life," he said. Just stare at each other soon, we all breathe to let oneself not so embarrassed, once accept stare at each other's horror, give oneself time through uncomfortable, two minutes later, we arrive the realm that did not anticipate, I feel brave and magical. My partner was watching me, and I was looking at him and I felt so close. When the time is up, I feel relaxed and feel a bit disappointed. 」

"Although we have no choice as to who will fall in love with ourselves, it is not necessarily the same as falling in love by one night's conversation." But I began to realize that love may be more malleable than we think. Arthur Aron's psychological research taught me that it is possible, even simple, to establish intimacy and trust between two people. And both can make love stronger. The writer wrote it, and finally he was in love with the friend he met at the bar.

We all think how small we are in the face of love, we are only careless through the storm of love, Careless love to die, no room for control. But these 36 psychological problems, as well as the experience of women writers, tell us that love is not only believing, but also an action. (Recommended reading: love equals action!) Write your own love ending )

If you have doubts about Arthur Aron's research, you might as well defy the risk of not knowing or unfamiliar friends, try these 36 questions, but wait, the consequences of love!

Perhaps we do not have to use these 36 questions as a "super long Test" with strangers, but we can understand that in the face of love, we are not as small and incompetent as we think.

Love is not accidental, if fall in love, because we made the choice. Choose to stay with each other, choose to leave time to each other, choose to put down the heart to show vulnerability. How lucky, in this choice, have you have me. So when we look into each other's eyes, we see the possibility of "us". (Recommended reading: complementary or similar is not important: it is important to be willing to change for each other )

Only for seemingly inexplicable love, not only because of the fate of the doomed, but also because you have chosen each other.