Learn to reconcile with the father of a class: "I do not love you, just do not understand the expression"

University friend F in the course of the day before the election to say to me: "Hey!" There is a good lesson to be repaired, do you want to think about it? 』

I took a big sip of the ice cream from the breakfast shop and said, "What class?" 」

"Pro-vocational education!" 』

"Pro-vocational education?" What the hell is that? It doesn't sound very interesting. I waved and tried to refuse his forced sales.

"Not anymore!" is to teach you how to be a good mom and Dad class Ah! "F a splendid laugh." "Especially you, feel more should be repaired." "And a Thief's smile."

Yes, "parenting education" is the process of helping parents and other caregivers to do their best to take care of their children. " When the teacher in the classroom to a number of parents often make small problems as an example of class discussion, I and S always nodded like garlic, can not agree with the teacher more. The process is full of joy, we always laugh said: "Really should let parents come to this class!" "But in the depths of my heart, there seems to be something vaguely touching." One of the things I thought was interesting in Smith's mission: "At the end of the day, you will think about the beginning." "At the end of the semester, I went back to the beginning of this class when the teacher threw off the question:

"By excluding some extreme exceptions, do you think there are no parents in the world?" 」

Not a spoiled daughter.

Father to me, is besides grandma another very omnipotent existence. The special place in our family is that you cannot see the existence of patriarchy, but on the emotional level, it is unconditional obedience to Dad. All the time (or from what I've been impressed), my father and I are more like father and son, friends, and a friend: joking, sometimes resolute, and full of reason. Dad is very funny, but because of the relationship between the generations of the Japanese rule of the age of men's formal, not easy to express feelings. More or less affected by my father, I am not a spoiled daughter. (Home is always a safe haven: the farther away from home, 10 of Tears of Homesick song )

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The favorite time is with dad holding hands to eat snack, because it is my father and my time alone. It used to be because Dad's hands were too big, and we all shed hands and sweat, so we changed into holding the little finger. Until now, I still like to hold my father's little finger, because the rough touch is a sense of security, because it is exclusive to my unique way of expressing love.

Compared to the love of my sister, my father's love to me is very vague, the mode of getting along with a lot of bad, so I always eager to express in order to get more attention and love. Sometimes, even with a little angry thinking: "You do not with me good, I do not with you!" "Secretly, do not know when it began to play in the heart of one knot after another." The most impressive thing was when we went to buy a crispy chicken on the way, dad suddenly said:

"Children, high IQ allows you to walk fast, but the high EQ can take you far away." 」

A complex emotional spread: At first it was angry, the father did not understand me, then panic, because to be a good daughter, do not let them down has always been my expression of love another way, suddenly dismissed as if emptied all my assets as frightening. The last is doubt, so has been blaming our relationship on Dad's wrong? Everything is not answered, my pride and pride do not allow me to make mistakes so I choose to turn a deaf ear, I still in the mire of contradictory feelings carried floating load.

Until I got into a parenting education, I found my own blind spot: "I've been so focused on thinking" I "as a starting point. But forget, feelings are kind of two-way communication, in my feeling that dad does not understand me at the same time, I really understand dad? 」

The way we learn, we stumble

Thomas Gordon's theory of parenting: "Being a parent creates life, but now it's time to let the child have it and let him decide how he will spend your life with him." "Do it as a starting point. Because there is never an ideal child, our goal should be to be a helper rather than a manipulator in the life of a child.

You can tell your child about your life experience, but don't let him try because you're afraid he'll fall. Put your doubts in your heart and trust your children's abilities. Do not give the "you will fail anyway" this negative expectation, because over time, such thoughts will become the child's personality.

Mom and Dad's emotions are important. Will directly or indirectly affect the child's mood, so to stabilize the emotional communication with the child, "expression" is divided into four levels, from the sparse to the pro respectively is: observation, thought, emotion and demand, when we express the needs of family or friends, It should be remembered that these four levels of expression: from the factual basis, and then move to the feeling, said by Daniel (Li).

Reflective listening is the beginning of mutual understanding, learning to feel empathy, and finally to let go, let the children fly, also let themselves fly. Learn bravely: you learn to grow up, parents learn to let go of life for their own escape once! )

But in the process, touched me is the idea of mom and dad. Because not only tell us "how to be a good parents", is also telling parents is "in what mood to be parents".

I still have to be honest and say that half of the time I take it for granted, that's how parents should teach children! But on second thought, our parents are in a conflict generation: their parents are authoritative education, but when it is their turn to be parents, the world is advocating an enlightened, democratic way of education. They're just as confused as a sandwich cookie. Want to be friends with the child, but when the conflict, the heart of the potential of the authority of the parents will unconsciously run out: "We have not dared how, you now how to do." This kind of parents, will become now our mouth pedantic "evil adults." Verbal communication is the case, emotional expression, not to mention, must be worse, especially dad.

In fact, behind every word, there is another love that has not been said: "Why go against the curriculum?" It's good for children to read. "Behind the fact that there is a saying:" Dear child, I can not bear to see you there in a sit-in protest, I do not want you to be the other adult stickers label. The most important thing is because I love you, so I don't want to see you hurt. "Oriental people are always reserved, we are not accustomed to the real feelings to another person to talk." No one told them to finish the speech, because their father and mother did not finish the words. Suddenly, a lot of pictures floating in my mind, those dad's word of the screen, those father's eyes flashing other messages in the picture.

Gradually, I seemed to understand what I took for granted, and how difficult it was for them. It was my first time as a daughter, and they were parents for the first time. The first child in the house is probably like a lab rat! In the process of getting along with their children, they are constantly trying new patterns and revising them. Second, the third child is very lucky, do not need to face this many conflicts, because elder brother and sister in front of the first for your revolution. Every revolution is always trying to pave the road for her sister, the heart will be a little more power.

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"Parents" is a natural instinct and the results of learning, no one is born to know when parents, of course, no one is born a good child. We are all learning, learning about ourselves, learning about each other. Dad's growth story is very hard, so have their own home after always want to give us more. He does not say, does not mean we do not need to know, my father's love is also many many, but I do not say, he certainly did not know. Because understanding, so inclusive. After that, I tried to find the knot in my heart and slowly opened it.

Although not completely untied, but I will improve, as I know dad will be the same.

Talk About love: The simplest and most difficult confession

Feeling like water, is a two-way flow. It was not until I was 22 years old that I really started to learn "being a daughter." I began to say love with my father, although it is using line voice message function, but I have stepped out of my step, then you? Father's Day this year, although it is a typhoon day, can not be lazy oh! Say to Dad: "Pull, I love you!" "Then!"

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