Women are obsessed with Mother's Day- the daughter of the advance, inviting you to bring your mother into the revolution of intimate relations. Mother, I can walk fearlessly and independently, because you are watching behind me.
2017 of Mother's Day, women obsessed editorial resolution to do "the daughter of the advance" topic, in this, we have listed three topics, three editors choose a topic to start writing:
- Mom, we practice our independence together.
- Mom, let's review the body together.
- Mom, we're going out together.
Almost the first time, I quickly took away the first topic, independent, because I thought it was the most good project. I can live alone, like a person to eat, love to travel solo. Consciously have an independent and courageous heart, also often said that this is because my "independent history" is very long, starting from the age of 15.
15 years old that year, with your blessing, I carry a man away from home, to fill the city of Taipei Reading. I am proud and happy, I feel that I grew up independent, free. I walk in front of you, and you silently in the rear support. You let your daughter enjoy the good independence of life, but did not let her suffer from the independence of life, you take care of her food and clothing, so that she can not fear in the city to explore.
Mother and daughter separate places, we often share life, more often proud of each other is such a relationship, more like friends. When I am frustrated and sad, you will hug me, pat me on the back, accompany me to shed tears. You rarely instruct and say, "What do you do", presumably because you know that even so, stubborn daughter will not only listen, but would push her away.
Until the university, my political stance became clear under the Taiwanese history. A few years ago, the presidential election, the family often in the car back home debate politics, I use sharp words and historical knowledge to attack, you with the level of parent-child relationship and emotional counterattack, I feel that I was pressed back to the position of my daughter, and finally everyone ended in anger, futile and powerless. (Recommended reading: Gender Watch: As a mother, is it easy for your child not to be your child?) )
You start to think I'm getting farther away from you, trying to hold me tight. And I feel that I should not be an independent individual, want to escape from such a relationship.
Tension of the relationship caused a variety of conflicts, often, you are angry to leave the door, I was crying upstairs, we are no longer friends. I also said, mother and daughter to do "friend" This is a lie, is a clever scam, is a trace of parental control and false independence, when it backfired, the Chinese parents of the level of power to run out, guidance, restrictions, ordered me.
I thought to myself, the world often says that there is a "enlightened" parent, when their children are happy and free, they do not know that the word "enlightened" is not equal to the power of the parent-child relationship: because there is an obligation to live according to each other's expectations, because the other party must answer and spared, so it is called "enlightened". At that time much hate these two words, think this is the contemporary deformation of patriarchy, patriarchal development so far the family miniature.
I began to alienate you, and such a mother-daughter relationship made you too frustrated, once you said to me several times, "If I have not given you so much freedom, if I am not a total weakness of the mother, you will not be like this." 」
I have been suffering for a long time in this sentence. In the emotional pull over and over again only gradually understand, what I should talk about is not the words you say, but the emotions you can't say: You're whispering that you need me, you feel like I'm abandoned, and I'm just jumping around telling you, "Independence is the eternal subject between mother and daughter." (Recommended reading: The independent subject of love: Endless effort will only make each other bound )
It took a long time to remember that independence does not equal the separation of the broken type, parents in the last generation of parent-child relationship will inevitably have power level, I do not have to accept, but if I love you, in the way you can do to express love, so that you do not need to be nervous to maintain our mother-daughter relationship, you can be more energy, more free to develop their own.
Yes, I forgot what I thought was a very old-fashioned thing, forget that I was in your body, forget that I was a part of you, forget you at my age, put me out of the body into the world, and you were as young as I am now.
Mother and daughter figure overlap at the moment, only to find that I can not do what you do: you are determined to the precious youth and part of their own into the nutrients to me, pull out I grew up. At this time I concentrate on Sprint career, when you accompany me babbling to read, I independently in the workplace, you also took my little hand to learn the piano after work, pick me up and down class.
Remember when you were young, you told me: women must be economic autonomy, the spirit of independence, this sentence I remember very tightly in mind, but did not dare to seek further. I'm afraid to ask you to leave the workplace to be a housewife, mom, have you ever thought about the possibility of another life. Dare not ask is probably in the heart to know that children are one of the reasons for your return to the family. (Recommended reading: An exclusive interview to ya Lei: "Every mother loves her child in her own way")
However, as children leave the nest, you are also very comfortable to develop very well, even if the occasional home, see you have not much time-you are always busy with friends, sports, dance and travel.
At first I am a little jealous, think "so little daughter, that is the most important", then think of their own naïve, you spend half of your life caring for children, it is time you also like to live, we are accustomed to your leave the nest. You asked me what it was like to travel abroad, and I said, "Free to relax, better than two," so you started a couple of great British and Irish tours in the garden, chatting with painters who were sketching, and drinking and chatting with a group of young people in a bar. I am very proud of your bravery alone.
But this afternoon I asked you, as a woman, what you feel is the hardest. Your answer is a little irrelevant, but my tears are straight. You said, "Your happiness or not is my biggest lesson." 」
It is difficult to talk about independence. Even if we walk the world independently, happiness or not is still our greatest stumbling.
Today, I broke up with my boyfriend who lived with me for seven years and day and night. I was surprised to find that he betrayed me to give the brightest courage of love and trust, my world broke, only to know that the courage and independence, actually rely on someone waiting for me to go home as a prerequisite. Whether I can still be gentle and upright in this world, sometimes I have strength, and sometimes suddenly lose confidence.
Clean up the move last night, I suddenly legs soft fell to the ground, is you did not say anything, took my luggage, and then took my hand. I was crying and firmly said I will take care of themselves, "you do not worry too much, do not be afraid I will not be good," you in the front seat side of the cry and nod, the healing space to me. I want you to know that this is an important time for me to practice my independence, and that I will eventually grow a softer, stronger heart from the crumbling and fragmented world where I am perched. (Recommended reading: A confession letter to my mother: Dear mother, you can not be strong )
Mom, originally I wanted to write an article to tell women how to be independent, I now know, about independence, I have nothing to tell them or teach you. Because the truth is, "independence" is a person's life practice, but fortunately we still have the firelight, still have love, we are not afraid to fall in the process of practice, we can still support each other stand up.