Woman Fan Editor-in-Chief interview Ping Road, in-depth tear in Ping road and mother that the heart of the dew. Face the injury in life, it began to heal, understand each other's life process, the doubts in life are answered.
Always remember the first reading Flat road, feel that there is something in life is thoroughly, slowly ripped.
Tear clearly should be painful, and her strength moderate, skillful, such as Sunding, easy, let you voluntarily clawed yourself.
Ping Road rise in the 80 's, the world is her proposition, she writes gender, write politics, write science fiction, write Spy, also write history, writing sharp and fierce, writing other people's Day, she put the scattered themselves in the inside. The new book, "Bare Heart" is her deepest dig, cut herself open, you know? Bare Heart will hurt, but, understand cruelty, only really know gentleness.
Ping Road is written, many times because of disobedience and reluctance. Don't want to be the world's tablet. The first sign of the road, she was like a word, small rebellious, such as her hand wearing a three-finger ring, respectively, eyes, triangles, lips, is not to say that the world to look at the eyes, open mouth to tell, dark before there will be light.
During the interview, I have been unforgettable, she sometimes looked at the distance, rubbing hands, intermittent said, "still very difficult, has been difficult." 」
Bare heart, know the cruel truth is the beginning of reconciliation
Life so much difficult, Ping road to write them all down. Probably also because of the hour habit.
Ping Lu's name is Lu Ping, the father named Promise, only daughter should embark on the smooth road. Ping Road was born, but like stepping on the gravel road, go forward a lot of difficult, should be all the love of life fell. She was a sensitive child, wondering why my mother didn't love me. Memory, the mother of my gentle smile? There seems to be no. (Extended reading: interview Ping Lu: "I have been thinking, why does my mother not hurt me?" "" Gorgeous Confession of the text "
She had thought it was the sex reason, heard the mother through the child, pity to say in front of her, is a baby boy. Secret possession of more than half a century, who are old, after the father died 1.5, mother and daughter balcony breakfast, mom as usual questioned: "Do not bury your father, is not you doubt, you are not father born?" 」
She did not think: "No." "I am not your own?" asked the old question abruptly. 」
The road of this pit scar scar, there is always a heart of pain. Mother Tundish, spit out the story, "You are not my child, you are the child of the maid's bosom." "The tone of the same year's hate and bitterness, in exchange for her to be slowly torn apart."
Visit Ping Road, is "bare heart" propaganda at the end, her life story has repeatedly been mentioned several times, or the best in the book. I simply did not ask, I asked, in that case, why should such a private matter be written?
In response, she used a lot of maybe, the reason is unclear, writing is very certain, she stressed that she is not to write, "This book has the intention of reconciliation, I want to see what I do not do." What I want to ask is, if I could see a clearer panorama, would it be better? 」
She smiled with a smile, "I also know that in the circumstances, I will not do well enough." So did my parents, and I saw the limit there. 」
Writing is not responsible for the story, why Gossip, Ping Road is written in order to embark on the path of forgiveness, forgive us all do not good enough, forgive us is not perfect, "This is my book of reconciliation, know the brutal truth, is the beginning of reconciliation." 」
Ping Road is experienced by the storm, so there can be the gentle enemy wind and rain, such as her first chapter in the book to write, faint that moment, muttered aloud, "Dad sorry","mom sorry", feel that they can put down.
The accuracy of writing: the feelings of writing can not overflow the true feelings
"Before the book, the alternative is always: You can always lock the drawer, you can delete the text file in the computer." Why am I still here? To stay, is self-abuse? Are you curious? Curious if the reader as a strange love story, will not laugh at this bare heart? 」
The decision to publish is also very difficult, bare heart, bleeding in broad daylight. For Ping Road, the most important criterion for writing this book is accuracy. Accurate Precise, she emphasized many times, must be accurate present memory, as well as accurately to speculate in the situation, each person's state of mind, not much.
"I would like to describe accurately, do not abuse, writing emotions can not overflow my true feelings, nor for the writing of control." It is important for me to be as accurate, truthful and sincere as possible. Writing the author's commandments, the only gift he can bring to the world is accurate. 」
Ping Road Writing, has always been a solution to the mystery of taste, she is cautious detective, finally solve their own life knot, such as the last case of Sherlock Holmes, untie The tangled life, jumped Reichenbach waterfall, ushered in the joy of rebirth. (Recommended reading: ping Lu talk about "Black water": I can not accept the society as "snake Woman" a person )
Interview the first time, she enraptured, point open Face Book sharing, book publishing, the mother's biggest grandson read the book, in her face book Paste, "Originally my biological mother had revealed to him, he had a lost daughter, by the lost two words, admitted the daughter, told the Secret." He read the book, think of his grandmother, feel and I have a very close link. 」
Solve the riddle, the new relationship grew out, Ping Road said he was always difficult to shed tears of people, see the instant incredibly almost cry out. "The Secret of pain can also be the inheritance of love, links and relationships, has been I am looking for clues." I think everyone's life is also looking for clues to their own meaning. 」
The flat road murmured, the words have affectionate feeling, "I really ought to be joyful." 」
Don't let the character decide your life-style.
Ping Road talk about parents, tone has a detachment.
I asked whether the family is bound to wrestle, Ping Road thought for a long while, may say that it is accompanied by the role of the safe position. Many times, the ability of a person to control at home defines his value. "As a father, the head of the household is a well-deserved position and dignity." The so-called take charge with take care, control and care, in fact, it is difficult to distinguish. 」
And when the parents gradually decline, the family power tilt void, they also feel that they have lost energy, forgotten, home is complex, which has the role of power can also have love.
"Especially women, it's very difficult, we often use in the family structure position, to define their own value." Is the wife, is the mother, is the daughter, ignores to think I actually is who. 」
Ping Road to the mother has a very deep empathy, "like my mother, very much like her wife, this role is important to her, this can not blame her." "Ping Lu turned to look out of the window," that era, she actually did not have the opportunity to continue to ask themselves, who am I? I can not see her expression, but listen to the tone of pity. (Recommended reading:"but is the end of the world": my family is not cute, but I still willing to love )
Pity is like a pity for a child. Pity what, probably, people this life is role play, Ping Road to see understand, but the role is not all, you really want to ask, what you want to accomplish, what to pursue, don't let the role determines your living way.
"However, our education system does not clearly draw the distinction between individuals and roles, so everyone is very confused," he said. We're not talking about what the family can give to one person and what a person is hoping for in the family. "Ping Road There is a deep pity, but also a pity from childhood in the family value repeatedly hit the wall of their own."
"We prefer to speak a word" pay ", we love to talk about filial piety and filial piety, but in the family, everyone gets the most is actually the opportunity. The opportunity to grow yourself, which is your reward as a family, that is the iron feeling of life, you will be rich. 」
One until not far later, Ping Lu also made a mother, began to raise children, and their own forgotten experience of childhood to meet again, the child made her enlightened, life is the first swing song, pay and reward, self completion. It turns out that life really has to look forward, but it has to be backwards to understand.
As a mother, she had a woman's wound.
In the afternoon, the sun came in, reflected flat road eyes good tenderness, she looked at me, we talked about the separation of mother and daughter topics. Mothers and daughters are probably the most conscious two role-playing of women. In fact, is also a word, I walked the road, you may be about to embark on, on this road, I want to see you.
"The role of mother and daughter should be very intimate, two women's life experience exchange, contrast." However, we are not accustomed to the relationship between the basis of friendship, I think, can, first of all, the mother and daughter, as two women can speak? 」
"Because the daughter will also be curious ah, curious mother how to endure these bull shit?" 」
We smile, as a woman, the growth stage will encounter a variety of bull shit, too much goodwill, hidden concerns of hostility, the trap of course; As a daughter, we would like to ask, mother, dear mother, how do you survive all the way? Why does the world have a structural and Gensen hostility towards women? (Recommended reading: Confessions of a Swedish daughter-in-law: love does not mean sacrificing self-worth )
The cultural tradition has the cloud, the woman marries in, is wants to serve the gentleman the family, is therefore the Clan Memorial tablet does not have the feminine position, a mother how to tell the daughter? How can she convince her daughter that there is a different fate besides marrying a living? And can she tell the kids, yes, I don't agree with this cultural tradition?
"Many mothers in the process of growth, the acquisition of Shun, with the patriarchal society, so that the mother accidentally, to do more paternal father than father." Therefore, with the daughter of the kind of nascent, instinctive independence, the opposite. It takes a lot to confess, to need a mother, to express her experience of the world sincerely. 」
Admitting it is difficult, especially as we often ignore, as a mother, she is also wearing a woman's injury. Mother is to become a mother, she was also a little girl, she had been parents and society how to treat, decided her current action. She will be afraid, will have a defense mechanism, will not bear her daughter on the same road, but also worry about her daughter choose a path she has never chosen. (Recommended reading:"a letter to my daughter" dismissed taught me that the value is far more important than income )
As a daughter, it is sometimes blamed on the mother is not brave enough, disappointed with her mother, how many daughters have yelled at her mother, you know? I can't imagine living like you.
Therefore, feminism into the flat road and more people's lives, in fact, is to dispel doubts, is to see the pain exists, dispel, "I still believe that, frankly, is the best way to get along with mother and daughter." Otherwise, a sensitive little girl, easy to see the gap between things, it is easy to become a mother and daughter Gap. 」
Flat intersection said little girl, have a pair of sensitive eyes, I know she thought of the past to miss understanding the truth of their own.
When you see the trauma, your healing process has begun
Little girl with doubt grew up, mother waiting for the secret old decline, back to that day breakfast scene, calm no wave of relationship wind, stagnant water live flow.
Ping Road said, looking back, she knew that the secret actually reminded her mother more pain. "My mother thought I would be grateful to her, my original life is very unbearable to her, she like to save me, she gave me a good family of" normal ". She thought that I would stand with her and despise the class gap of her mother, which was a disgrace to her. 」
"But she did not think, I do not mind." I care more about where my birth mother is now, and I want to find her. Status, I did not 罣. If there is no real feelings, no truth, is false. Mother face anxiously asked my birth mother whereabouts of me, further closed the door, not to mention. (Recommended reading:"Song for You" when you can finally face the sadness, sadness will give you strength )
"She does not mention, I am also very anxious, I am afraid to miss the reunion with the birth mother, I fear that I will never know who the birth mother is." My momentary diversion of attention also missed a better reconciliation with the mother. 」
Ping Road Close the eyes for a long time, feel the mother was lost, quiet in a silent regret. If you do it again, you may do better, and apologize, but also know that we did not do well at that time, we are the same.
Apologizing may be the best thing we can do to face trauma. "I believe that when you see the trauma, your healing process has begun," he said. 」
"The mother's job requires self-awareness. Know who you are and what you really care about. A child's intuitive question is actually an opportunity, if the mother is sensitive enough to understand herself and see things that have not been dealt with in the past. (Recommended reading: "hated courage" the closer the relationship, the more the need for separation of subjects )
"Bare Heart", it is in the name of Pain, write a book full of affectionate healing, to ask you, to the mother, to the daughter, to each of the search, more eager to become their own people.
Don't even know who you are, you feel strange
The interview is very long, Ping road on the third floor of the interview small space, jump story space-time, open Xinjiang extension soil, honest and vast, I just see understand, Ping Road writing, the reason is accurate, are from the beginning of tearing themselves.
The wound seems to be the truth of the mark, to the core of pain, to ask who I am, looking back to life to find the answer, life is like an onion, put aside a layer of texture, the truth hidden in the inside, always have to go through thousand, always leave some tears, you do not fear.
Ping Road made a very beautiful metaphor, trauma, is the psychological soft strings. "If you are always in contact with the strings, you have the opportunity to ask yourself a profound question." It has nothing to do with how you make a living, what you do with your business card title, but whether you have a genuine relationship with yourself. 」
Because there is art, we will not be destroyed by the truth, the choice of Ping Road should be Nietzsche this word, free to do nothing, she likes painting, reading, visiting exhibitions, go to the cinema, reading others also read their own, sensitive to feel their own strings, to retain softness. (Recommended reading:"525 alone Season" solitude declaration: The day to talk to yourself, lost has become a get )
"With your own link is very important, body and as a person, do not wait until one day, you want to speak to yourself, but can not find the language of dialogue, even their own are unfamiliar." 」
Didn't anyone ever tell you? Understand that you are important, before you are what role, before you shoulder the expectation, before you are the default fate, this is the whole interview proposition, consistent, you would like to think about who you are?
"We have to ask ourselves what kind of person I am, not what role I have to play," he said. This is more important than you are a loving father, a successful mother, and a filial daughter. 」
It's hard to think about it if you don't want to be lazy. I remember the flat road rubbing hands, palm heat, warm heart. Self-awareness is a road to pain, and she barefoot on the road, open her hands, feel the wind blowing from the palm, all the wounds will become the coexistence of the birthmark, Birthmark, is part of the body.
She was writing all the way, and the man who wrote was the wind-maker of the Times. The wind blows again, tangled already past, every moment in the future, you should be happy. Looking at the flat road wave can smile figure, we all want to mumble to say to oneself.