The recent incident of Taipei girls appearing naked at Taipei railway station has aroused public discussion and led us to reflect on Taiwan's upbringing problems and children's physical autonomy.
Hot weather, five-year-old girl naked, sitting in the North vehicle exit steps, passers-by concern, said you are a girl, absolutely not to strip.
News headlines are sensational, "five-year-old girl is very hot!" Mom and dad let her "North car completely naked" ... Ultra-Avantgarde Education: Respect is the true meaning of ", Nevin education experts appeared endorsement, said" children should respect the body, lest grow up the idea of deviation, parents to set an example. " "There is a condemnation of the meaning.
The news broke out the other day, the girl father and mother wrote down the incident reduction (the party mother , the party Father ). A girl from Hsinchu, just playing ashore from mud puddles, the girl is sensitive to heat, now that no pants, came to the North car, because of heat, then take off the coat.
The naked body stepped on anxiety, especially she is a girl, successive passers-by have been criticized, "little girls can not dress up" You are the girl's mother? You have to teach her, she is a girl. Everyone is dressed and you can't get dressed. "Respect?" So she's going to take drugs and you respect her? (Recommended reading: let go of the girl!) The female body on the Liberation Court )
The girl's little body trembled on the steps. Passers-by in the name of protection accused the mother, no one can hear why the girl naked, people worry about the future of the child, but did not find that they are making harm to the children's scene.
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Little girls Can't dress and boy Nude
A step back to ask, today a girl's naked body, with a boy naked body, the result will not be different? The answer is yes.
Passers-by discipline, gender is the key to the hands-girls should not be do not provoke gaze, girls can not create opportunities, girls learn to protect themselves from childhood, you do not open your legs, you have to sit there sit, you swing when there is no one to see your underwear, your trousers wear so short to do what? (Recommended reading: who is holding a woman's body?) The Goddess and the slut under the patriarchal eye
Every girl remembers very clearly that she was raised like this. The nude of female body, although local, all make people anxious, because with sex produce association.
When the boy's nudity is linked to "wild kids" and "adventures", the Nude of girls is considered "dangerous", in order to avoid danger, our education is always in turn to discipline the female body, you have to behave properly, is you to protect yourself, a girl's nurturance, we often learn how to avoid all the possible harm.
It's my own problem for girls to be repeatedly hinted at growing up and if they are hurt. If girls are naked, they get a collective lesson from society.
Many of the caveats are older women, and I think they are definitely anxious, and they think of how they are taught when they are young. No chance to think about right and wrong, copy your own growth experience, become the next oppression.
There are girls naked, ever freethenipple movement, and some people ask, if you undress, I have the desire to do? At that time, it was absurd to say, "a woman exposing her nipples will increase the chance of being raped", why do we never understand that a woman's body, regardless of how much is revealed, is still her own, not because of nudity, becomes who can arbitrarily dominate? (Recommended reading:#FreeTheNipple: Women are not only one way, nipples are also )
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Why is respecting children a joke? The cultivation of children's independent rights and interests
Girls naked, we first thought of is to teach parents, must be parents do not know how to discipline, no one asked the girl what to think, how many people will ask, "Sister, why do you want to undress?" 」
People learn to seek responsibility from their parents, reflecting another problem-we look at parent-child relationship and interaction is very flat, that parents have the authority and responsibility to educate and guide, knead the child into a moral and ethical adult.
People are eager to see the scene of discipline, just feel peace of mind, hear with the child to talk about respect, ask the child's idea, develop the child's own rights and interests, think it is a joke.
It is dangerous to regard children as their parents ' attachment because we are ignoring the free will in the form. The child's life from the parent body grow out, but does not belong to the parents, your child is not "you" the child, the child has own life, has own destiny. (Recommended reading: Rainbow Mother in the church: you always avoid talking about sex education, how do children know themselves?) )
So instead of asking, "How do we" allow children to practice making choices and judgments about themselves by asking them to think about their body's own rights and interests?
Parents are not everything, I think the more urgent needs of the family, happens to be the demonstration of the parents, more open discussion, the child's life so no longer only "quasi" and "no", and there is "why", and have "I do not think", and have "I decided."
When a child wants to strip, maybe we can ask,
- Why do you want to take off your clothes?
- How do you feel about nudity?
- Do you know what our society thinks about nudity?
- Do you think there's a difference between a girl naked and a boy naked?
Parents are imaginary for a long years, first experience the world's gentleness and cruelty, first know how to play with the world, but more can with open mind, follow the children, learn again.
Parent-Child Learning: I am not an authority, but your companion
There is a better parenting relationship, or maybe so, I'm not the authority of the family, but your partner.
The girl mother wrote down her mind, "I do not want to suffer from the eyes of strangers to oppress my children, she is her own, she is a person, not my accessory, I have my thoughts, she has her feelings, I have the responsibility and obligation to help the child to prop up this space. "The role of parents is to guide, to learn, to open the thinking space for the child, not to discipline, not to be dictatorial, not to erase everything better than possible." (Recommended reading: adults and children should take a class: Because of sexual anxiety, more need for sex education )
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"We usually talk about physical autonomy with the child, and the body is hers, and she has full discretion." We do not take adults rigid and colored eyes to see the children, the children live in the present, I appreciate my children at ease to play the happy appearance of the naked body. 」
The girl father expressed remorse, failed to open up the space for the child, "afterwards actually I am very remorse, very annoyed, how did I not in the child need to hug most need to be protected when holding her?" Why didn't I just hug her? Why didn't I hold her when I confronted those people around them? I know she is angry, I know she is afraid, I know she is helpless, in her good need to need me when I was angry, let her a small body squat sitting on the stairs angry, trembling. Really good regret Ah! 」
"I'm thinking about how to talk to kids about this, about the ignorance and fear adults don't want to face." 」
Girls and parents are very frank, parents are not omnipotent, do not need to know, parents will be afraid, adults also have fear, the issue of body autonomy, parents may not be better than children understand. The child clean naked question, can let the parents rethink, why cannot naked? Why do women's nudity particularly trample on popular anxiety? How do we let our children learn to build the boundaries of our bodies? How should we respond to the social discipline?
The news that the girls ' parents ' education is "Super Avantgarde", I think this is the family education should have, but we have never had the appearance-the so-called education, has always been the thesis, we have it as a right and wrong to teach.
Education is not obedience, there should be no default standard answer, and should encourage more open discussion, so we will after each discussion, better understand who we are, what we want, what we can decide, how we should be comfortable with this society, and let this society better.