Hurt and hurt, which is more heavy? In fact, as long as the breakup, both people pain. If you're stuck in the mud now and don't know how to move on, read it!
"The Earth of this planet is littered with the seeds of a baobab tree. Without the early eradication of the Baobab tree seedlings, it would be impossible to get rid of it. The Baobab tree will occupy the entire planet, and the roots will penetrate the planet. If the planet is small and there are too many baobab trees, the end of a planet will be fragmented. "This is what the little Prince learned on Planet B612.
Wedge: B612 Planet Defense Program
The monkey bread tree, like a kind of sadness in our hearts. At the end of the affair, the beauty of love, ordinary things in daily life, each is not special to live, all become a seed, according to the tears of the sprinkling and irrigation, seed germination, the monkey bread tree in our hearts insolent grow up, that arrogant appearance, make us helpless, make us afraid.
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In the days when the Baobab was raging, you were always shivering and asleep, crying and waking up again. Those who flash in the shallow sleep subconscious, although not very clear, but you know that is a lack of color of the nightmare. You used to blame the heavens, you never know how to get better, until all this time with the light, finally one day, you find yourself strong enough to uproot the baobab tree. (same field Gayon: little Prince, don't keep a fox that doesn't belong to you )
Hey, lovelorn you, do not allow sadness and fear of self feeding, when you are full of resentment, full of confusion, full of no understanding, read it. And you share the lovelorn book, 10 books, 10 different kinds of learning, let us grow in the hurt together, in a relationship to practice how to love. "It's a matter of self-discipline. The little Prince said so. Use words, give yourself a little more gentleness, also a little bit more rational, then can boldly to love again.
Step1: In the tears, feeding the sad
It is not shameful to say, after the breakup, we often because of excessive pain, and each other's unsuitable to forget. In the Tears of night and night, you thought "I really want him to come back", "We are not so bad". You forget the silence between you, the speechless, and the low pressure of the breath, under the intense and huge heavy blows.
The idea of a compound arises in your mind, and you begin to send messages and call each other in the hope that he will take you back and fix your relationship. See the other side of the ruthless, you are more and more anxious, will grip more tightly, but found that he ran faster, or, he could not bear to look at you sad, reluctantly and you together, but that emotion, but also not the love you want. (Look together: all the encounters are reunion!) Let us fall apart and love again )
Dear, the purpose of recommending this book is not to let you learn how to compound, but want to let you know, whether compound or not, the first step after breaking up, is to learn to let go first. Putting down the victim's complex after the relationship is over, no matter whether you are finally able to walk together again, you will not waste this intimacy, for you are likely to become important and important friends in each other's lives as you grow up.
Step2: Perhaps, I can not be happy all my life?
With the mood after the breakup of the good and bad ups and downs, you start to constantly think about whether you can not be happy all your life. Talk about a few failed feelings, you have been cheated legs, be seamless, the breakup of those hurtful words, let you doubt the value of their own. Maybe later, don't fall in love. Maybe I don't deserve to be loved at all. You think so.
"I seem to see you a person in the drowning of painful struggle, but in the hard climb ashore, wiped dry a lot of snot tears, and back to save the appearance." "There was a girl who said that to hundred Roes. has also been questioned the love of the pay must not be harvested, he experienced a lot of hardships, learn how to love themselves, the right person, walked towards him. A big cry, after the breakup. But don't forget to remind yourself that it's worth it.
Step3: I love you, it has nothing to do with you
Chenxue text, always so smooth, then indeed. We often easily enlarge our sadness and think that no one is more miserable than himself. "Why me?" "This kind of question often comes from the heart, we are always easy to think that we are special, but in fact, in the experience of love, many times we are not so special." Because think about it, we can always in others, a glimpse of their own shadow. (extended reading: love, is to have the courage to hurt )
"I love you, it has nothing to do with you." "It was when I read this book that I got the greatest shock. When we really love a person, that is love, and each other and what is the close? If love, just want to tie him to his side, then we really love, in fact, is ourselves. After the end of a relationship, I read Chenxue teacher's "Love Class" deeply moved, sent a private message to him, he is so encouraged me, and now I want to put this passage, forwarded to the text you are reading:
"Whatever the reason, I want to break up mostly is" can't practice love in reality, "may be the lack of ability to love, may be not clear their true love, are only stages, are still groping, as long as it is a peaceful breakup, care for each other, the reason will not be pursued, go ahead ... 」
Step4: Do not love to recognize yourself
Between flattery and giving, where is that line? We often lose ourselves in a relationship because we love each other and want him to be good, so we start to remove our bottom line and start to invent excuses for each other and start to live for ourselves. We put the weight of our lives to the other side, until the other side can not bear, until we can no longer recognize ourselves. (Recommended reading: Thanks for the love letter that wasn't sent!) Oprah Winfrey: "Don't love to admit yourself")
"You may live a lifetime, and finally know others better than yourself." --Makhan (Beryl Markham)
Beverly Engel, an expert on psychotherapy, puts forward the concept of "vanishing Woman" in the book, Are you a "disappearing woman"? Finding the real me, learning to be alone, and practicing anger will be the subject you must face. When you are constantly trying to become the perfect image of others, you will not be angry, can not ask the other half, because it is vexatious girlfriend will do. Then gradually, you start volunteering to exaggerated until you retire. Honey, look at yourself in the mirror, how long has it been since you spoke to him? Love him, but also love yourself.
STEP5: Where there is an entrance, there must be an outlet.
"The Longest journey in life is the distance from the mind into the mind." 」
The most frightening part of the healing period is the repeated attacks of emotion, one second you are still smiling, the next second, it will cry. Suddenly you think you are good, but in the next moment a scene will let you fall back into the abyss. When we let our emotions wander, we have this dilemma, and the most important first step is to be aware of it. (same field Gayon: to the modern people who have committed phobias: to have, not to lose the beginning!) )
You do not have to pretend that you are good, do not have to smile deliberately, follow your emotions, and then try to feel at the moment, that pain is what kind of pain? What kind of anger is that rage? And that tore heart piercing sadness, what kind of appearance? As the book says, "the more familiar you are with your emotions, the easier it is for you to see that although the scenes they appear to be changing, they are always the same." "Start exercising your awareness of every move, every mood you have." Find out where they come from, where they go from the body, practice talking to themselves, and you will see that there is an outlet where there is an entrance.
STEP6: Happiness is a need to practice
"Come, let us go to prison." Although only two of us, we can sing like caged birds. --Shakespeare, King Lear
You always do not know, why love at the beginning looks so beautiful, but finally like a cage, the two people deeply trapped in the breathing difficult space, obviously not change gas, but still have to sing loudly. From small to large, someone taught us Chinese, mathematics, but no one taught us how to love and be loved. Until love hurt, pain, you found that intimacy is to practice.
Too close, breathless, defensive, and too tired to love. The real intimacy is to find the two most comfortable ways to love each other in the first step. Love is not a terrible thing, but when you love someone, it gives you the ability to hurt you. See through this, accept it, you can survive the scars, in each intimate relationship, grow up well. (Practice together: turn, is to meet yourself )
STEP7: Looking up after overlooking
"The so-called ideal occupation and ideal companion, is only a concrete carrier, the ultimate pursuit of people, is attached to the carrier of the ideal way of life and psychological state." --Wang Yu
China "Early net" CEO Wang Yu, gave women love and career ideal state of imagination. Incisive and straightforward words, let us love and life, but also to see more indifferent.
"The way of love has inertia, especially experienced ups and downs of the people, the old feel only full of passion and tears only shouting love, I think can shouting toss." In the longer term, the average person must be overwhelmed, and there are other achievements. This year the noisy things too much, easy to see wrong, but simple and calm more valuable, better identification. Calm after, look at the previous toss, just bedding and cannon fodder. Saying: Soul-stirring is for the most beautiful ordinary. 」
Love can be very romantic, can be very secular, but also very desperate. But it is only a part of our life, ah, first the skeleton frame well, and then step by step to fill the meat up, these meat, there is love, very good, but no love, also have to do the field to fill other kinds of meat. (Recommended reading:"Every decision you make, is to let butterflies vibrate the future" China early network CEO Wang Yu interview )
STEP8: Everything happens, it's a good thing.
"Life is not so difficult, is that you make life more complicated, in fact, life is very simple." 」
Adler's psychology denies the trauma of everyone's past. He believes that the wounds of the past may serve as an "explanation", but they cannot be a "solution" to the present and the future. How everyone gets to live is all their choice. It sounds harsh, but we should all learn not to treat our misfortune as a weapon, or to be a better cause.
After reading the series of Adler Psychology Books, "Accepting Imperfect courage" and "being hated by courage", I learned to let go of myself and to be good with myself. No matter how the love is discussed, we can only solve the problem by ourselves, our pain, may indeed be the past lovers caused, but that he, has no way to help us make up for, alleviate the pain. Try to stand up on your own strength, you will see a new self, and then feel very proud.
In the movie "Enjoy it, a person's journey", there is a dialogue:
"but I love him. But I love him. 」
"so love him. Then love him. 」
"but I miss him. But I miss him so. 」
"so miss him. Send him some love and light every time you are about him, then drop it. Think of him, send him a little love and guidance every time I think of him, and then put it down. 」
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After several years of love, see also more, you understand, put down, the original do not forgive, all in their own hands. Some love will be stillborn, some love will blossom but not bear fruit, only a small part of love in each other's hearts meaningful. Therefore, you gradually learn to relax, when the love to temporarily brave accept, and then brave to leave after dedication, I believe that one day, you will be able to smile to yourself, this is love; one day, we will be all right.