"Is this love, or is it just dependence ?" "Sometimes you can't help but wonder in your heart." Six a relationship that makes you more loving and strong, let's take a step closer to true love and say hello to the more comfortable self. Bless us all one day, flying freely in love . (Recommended reading: from "I" to "we": the relationship between intimacy and independence exercises )
"What is full of love?" 」
This problem is like ghosts dormant in the days, in every lonely moment of light. We may all have a friend who swims in many relationships, like a rabbit jumping and jumping, always finding a nice nest. A second before listening to him say lovelorn crying days, a turn around he has been immersed in the warm sweet beyond the abnormal.
Always single your baffled, why do you "one person" days far more than any friend have another half of the time? You really want to know, that forever love of the solution side. Even if you know in your heart that it may not be love, just be afraid of being alone, just love and love.
We don't seem to know how to reach a love, imagine if you like your friend, just like this "OK" together, with love closer to the "safe" feeling some, I think three months after you, will exhaust all regret: how can I love so absurd?
You are single because you understand that you are not in love and are not talking about a moment of "attachment, Conditional Love". Sometimes as if yo alone in this world, I would like to say that such loneliness will lead you to a more complete love.
Six reminders let you distinguish whether this is love, or just rely on? Dear, we all deserve a complete love.
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Love is passion; dependence is indifference.
Some people say that the closest feeling of love is "hate", so why he after the breakup, all good overnight into a dirty word, those sacrifices become a raging, passionate, inexplicable hatred.
If you feel love, you will feel anger, paranoia, and anxiety at the same time. Always sad, ugly qualities that slap a hot face on some calm night, please do not worry those too strong emotions, do not confuse with pain impurities in love or not love, love is never only beautiful, but also with you Pentium, the cry of the wound, so it is different.
Psychologist Elaine Hatfield defines two complete types of love, namely love of compassion and love of passion. Compassionate love includes mutual respect, trust and affection, and passionate love involves strong feelings and sexual attraction. "The passionate state of love is a complex carrier that realizes ecstasy, unrequited affection (separation) and emptiness, anxiety or despair. 」
Psychologist Alexandra Katehakis studies the love of over-reliance: "Such people are likely to suffer from love addiction, just like alcoholism kills." The other half of love is like "cash machine", soon spent soon to pick up the collar, the person is more and more impatient, will consider the material he can not meet you. In addition, it is easy to lose patience in love and even want to isolate him from family and friends. Only depends on the love is as far as possible to let "love" jump off life, even without this relationship is not panic, the heart does not itch. (Recommended reading: mutual dislike or sweet life?) Gender psychologist tells you the key to a happy relationship
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Love is selfless, dependence is self-centered
When you are drowning in love, you will want to bring all the beautiful things that smile to him. When you are just dependent, just think about how to satisfy your desires in this relationship. Ego Center is a kind of narcissistic gaze, even as a partner of love, both of them may be competitive, selfish and aggressive, only the love of dependence will appear in like "comparison": I pay more, I shed more tears for this relationship, the last meal is I invited. These are to "own" the center of departure, not all really care about love, but is everywhere not suffer.
True love is not willing to split, not easily divided between you and me, the study of Yale University found that selfless love stems from deep compassion and longing for others ' happiness. So we are willing not to receive any return, because this pay in the hearts of those who love is also reward themselves.
Love is release, dependence is possessive
When you are in a complete love, you do not need to use security to kidnap him, do not have to be tired of all the time, without suspicion and jealousy to witness your care. The love of dependence at first is full of freshness, you always want to know what he is doing now, ate, did not think of you? Once you're apart, you're distracted by the tension, like an empty piece of meat on your heart.
The complete love lets you know to let go, does not worry about the outcome, understands forgives, does not have the emotion to kidnap the other party's freedom. We often misunderstand possessive desire is the product of love, love means responsibility, when caring for each other, protect each other's actions bring "power relationship", possessive desire to become power, we want to have each other, control each other, don't let other forces touch each other. (Hey Dear: Three kinds of attachment patterns that affect love!) To use psychology to find the feeling of security )
"Some people think that love is sex, marriage, a six o'clock in the morning kiss, a bunch of kids, maybe that's it, Miss Lester," wrote the author of the wheat patch. But you know what I think? I think love is to touch and take back the hand. 」
Responsibility for love is not duty, not to be penny-pinching, love, not only possession, but also accept each other have their own freedom.
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Love is empowerment; dependence is arbitrary.
Love is not a competition, it is not a fight to win. In love relations often have the role of "obedience" appears, when one side appears to cooperate with each other's life map walking mentality appears, it is easy to feel wronged and sacrifice.
Well-known psychoanalytic biologist Fromm defines mature love as a combination of maintaining one's dignity and individuality. Love is a kind of active ability of man, a kind of ability to break through the barrier that separates people from others, and the ability to unite him and others. Love makes one overcome loneliness and separation, but Love acknowledges one's own worth and keeps its own dignity.
Therefore the complete love must maintain the absolute autonomy, the love characteristic is gives more than the request, according to Fromm's theory understanding love, we can treat as the ego the fulfillment, and sublimate for the devotion, but not loses, the sacrifice. To learn the authorization of love is to achieve both sides in the mind or body to achieve the balance of satisfaction, is not in love, the commander is not the pursuit of permanent sitting in the relationship of "Upper throne."
Love is looking back and there is a taste of dependence is short
If love can not care a lot of resentment, pain, more miss sweet time and not regret, life can have such a love is lucky. To rely on love is like a parasitic relationship, attachment of the spirit of one side of the flesh until no longer can supply, the love of the most ferocious face. Because you are not greedy that 1:30 engraved good, Zooey happy, so you are willing to wait in the crowd, waiting for a pair of eyes gently skillfully to expose, waiting for the not hot temperature. More than the light of the contact, only a bright night sky. (You'll like it: a psychological exercise to find love back )
Love is never easy, love is sometimes a safe let go is not occupation, sometimes is stupid rather than understanding, sometimes listening is better than sharing. If there is that person, complete the whole land like you for your existence to adapt to all of you, this love is more worthy of thinking: "I can make him feel happy?" 」
"The so-called ego, the so-called emotional cleanliness, the so-called argue, the so-called inviolable Small world." Yes, I protected all of this, but why did I still feel so defeated after the breakup? "Lovelorn 33 Days"
Have you ever had a breakup that makes you look back and thank you? Love is not a strong guardian of the field of their reluctance to be violated, not to draw a distinct line between me and "we". Into the love, clearly walked, the transit of heartbreak and sadness, each love is a flight, every time the arrival is growing. Love is free, and freedom is independence, no attachment, no fear.
May one day, you can fly in the love, in the trek, tears, looked up to see the universe you are in, so vast.