Julie-anne Shapiro, a British gender psychologist, says the communication barrier between men and women comes from the fundamentally different languages we speak!
Men often say that do not know what women are thinking, but in fact, women often do not understand the logic of men!
Occasionally we feel very tired to communicate with the other half, as if we were two different planets and speak different languages. Julie-anne Shapiro, a British gender biologist, says that the barriers between men and women come from a fundamentally different language!
How to avoid're same page, have to speak the other party did not understand the dilemma? The following we organized the million male netizens have seen all big call good seven men thinking logic, so that you complain about men enough to understand their own before the first step back to think about it, then we? Do we really know our men well enough? (Same field Gayon: The man is true!) We didn't say, but you should have known seven secrets secretly.
1. It's hard for men to multitask.
Wait a minute! Just let me finish this game first.
It's hard for a man to multitask, and the girls have a deep understanding. Because we've all tried to talk to him when he's playing video games or watching a game: "Hey! Talk to me! I am today ... "The result is mostly tragic end, because it is often our brain to speak, every few minutes to get a few" ah ah "response, then we can not help but think, he is not at all do not care about the problem between us?
The original is "multitasking" at work! When he has one thing at hand, if you choose to talk to him about your emotional problems or share your life, experience proves that it's not a good time. Not because your man doesn't love you or not, but most men really can't multitask, and when he's focused on one thing, he tends to do one thing first and then move on to the next task.
The law of communication: you want to share the mood, but in fact he also want to listen well, you do not want him to play the electric side of the annoying to listen to you? Why don't we just wait for him to finish what he has to do, and then we'll have two more minutes to talk. (It's very reasonable!) a woman's sense of security, a man's free heart .
2. Men's 30-second principle
I'm really not in a handsome vent, I was thinking
Perhaps you often feel that a man is unresponsive or not attentive, how a problem thrown out, he would have to take so long to answer? But in fact, when you hear "What do you think?" "In such a simple question, men and women are treated in a completely different way," he said. Women tend to express all the feelings of the moment as quickly as possible, while men are accustomed to the whole thing and then give an answer that he thinks is perfect.
The law of communication: Now you know that the blank 30 seconds is not he is in the vent, but he is still thinking about how to answer, or is to complete his answer. Why not just stay a little longer and let him finish the whole idea of what he's really thinking. Men are not like we have no thoughts and feelings, but his thoughts and feelings, often before he said the export, he was interrupted by us .... (Masking surface)
3. Men are the problem-solving people
I am so serious to help her solve the problem, she must be very happy!
It means that men are very, very fond of solving problems. As a woman, we are often tired to death to the home but just want to complain about the birds today outside the air, men but a face seriously tell you how to solve, take what steps will be better later ... So you can not help but the face of three lines and can't help but want to say, in fact, we want really is just a hug or comfort just ...
When women get emotional stress by speaking, men like to help you solve your stressors immediately. They are born to love to solve the problem, see women unhappy when the only thing to do is let us quickly leave the unhappy mood. (In fact it sounds very sweet)
The law of communication: Find a tacit understanding between two people, if you really need him at the moment to be a quiet listener, tell her honestly, you will find that he is a good listener, and will give you comfort in due time to feel loved. (Otherwise, men should be confused to help you deal with your troubles seriously, you are not happy.) ）
4. It's difficult for men to deal with details
Eh, wait! Who can remind me what she just said?
Women pay attention to detail, men tend to master the general direction.
When we talk about one thing, we like to say it from beginning to end, but most men will want to hear the point quickly. So often before you talk about the point, his mind has no idea where to go ...
The principle of communication: Your man is really not interested in your story, but he really can't spend too much energy on those small details, so give the man the story version can be short, help him catch your focus and more input. As for the detailed full version can be left to your good sister! (Many men, of course, have been honest and have learned how to hear the girls ' stories after their girlfriend's training)
5. It's really hard for men to guess your mind.
Even if you are so close, I still can't guess what you are thinking ...
You may have quarreled with a similar kind of frame, you think you obviously already done clearly, why your man still can't guess? In fact, most men really did not guess the heart of the supernatural. Rather than letting him guess and guess, tell him directly: " What do you really want?" "
So when you say, "I Want You to love me a little more" man is in fact not touch a clue, what is called Doay? Is this not enough love now? How many percentage points do you want to increase to be more love? Does calling every day count for love? Do you count love when you hug me? And this is often the source of the quarrel, we feel that clearly said, why the man has not changed? The reason is that he did not receive a more specific approach to implementation.
The law of communication: This is the part of two people to coordinate. We certainly do not want men to become a command of an action robot, so women tend not to give too practical "implementation strategy", or love becomes like military performativity what is the meaning? But once in a while, men will know better what you need. And each other's communication, also can accumulate the tacit understanding of the future, let him more and more can guess your mind. (Recommended reading: Four happy couples to the code of Communication )
6. Men expect to be praised and accepted
Suspected? Is this a happy expression?
To be honest, a man's self-esteem cannot withstand the blows of the other. If he's been courting you two or three times, you seem indifferent (and perhaps a dark heart, just shy of saying it, after that few times, you will find that he is no longer as positive as he used to be, because he has not received any feedback or praise from you, he will subconsciously think that you do not like him to do so.
Men are eager to be praised, and often after praise, will arouse their challenge heart, let them do better.
The law of communication: But so, who does not expect to be praised and affirmed? In each other's life, do not mean to give each other a little encouragement and praise, let your praise become the other side of the momentum of further efforts. As for the praise of men, as stated above, if he can be specific, he will be more able to grasp the direction. For example: "Every time you hold me tight and rub my hair gently, I feel really safe and happy." "(After all, love is actually the process of growing up with each other )
7. Men want you to be happy.
You Jump i Jump the same sentence, "When you are happy, I feel the same." ”
If he says: "You are happy, I am happy." "That's not a lie, for a man, the greatest accomplishment in a relationship is to see the happy smile on your face, and that's what he thinks is the biggest goal." So if you are in a relationship, you are always unhappy, complain, dissatisfaction, as if smelly face is your normal expression, at first he will seriously try to transform different ways to "solve the problem", over time he will because there is no way to make you happy, and there is a deep weakness and frustration, and even start to think that you are worth more than him. People who are more likely to make you happy. "
So, it's not that he's not positive, but he thinks maybe he's not the one that makes you happy.
The principle of communication: first, from the bottom of my heart believe that the man who love you will certainly hope you can be happy, after all, no one likes to talk about a bitter haha from beginning to end in love. And if you actually like your man, but usually not so like the direct expression of happy emotions, may wish to write a small note, preach a newsletter or through other means to tell him, you like him to do so, and he did so you very happy.
After reading the above points, should also like us, suddenly have the kind of "Ah!" The original man is like this, "suddenly dawned, even a little wanjianchuanxin feeling it." Think about how many fights you have, in such a logical view, they seem to be really unreasonable, so take advantage of this opportunity to invite boyfriends or male friends to examine and see, by the way to discuss each other's views on these points, first for the future of the quarrel hit a few preventive needles!
Of course, the world's men and women of course not only the same, women want men to know more about themselves, men are not it? In the final analysis, the relationship is only mutual, you try to understand me, I also try to understand you. The above seven points, hope that men and women can understand each other different thinking logic, and together find the most suitable for each other's model, after all, is the best.
Finally, Happy Valentine's Day! This Valentine's Day, should not be for "Hello!" Are you even listening to me? ~"quarrel? I wish you all a warm Valentine's Day with a feeling full of love and a feeling of being understood:) (Recommended to you:25 will make you believe that the world has a true love of a small story )