When emotions are hard to vent, men choose to do it. Why are these women unable to choose to leave after they have been subjected to domestic violence?
The former NFL Football League Baltimore star Ray Rice was photographed in the elevator to beat his fiancee Janay Palmer, and finally even dragged a fainting fiancee out of the elevator, causing U.S. President Barack Obama publicly criticized: "Not a real man!" 」
"Domestic violence" has long been a social neglect of the violence, not only in the United States, Asia has a hidden concern about domestic violence. From Japan DV Male (domestic violence) noun and never fever, to South Korea's popular movie star Joong beat his girlfriend's news, the incident of home violence, does not seem to stop the day.
VCDs The DV man episode in Last Friend
Why do they choose to "do it" first when they encounter a problem?
In the aftermath of the domestic violence, we often review the victims of our start up attacks, in addition to those who have done so. We often ask, "Why don't you just leave?" "Didn't you know he was the one who did it?" "The kind of questions that seem to suggest a lack of empathy are actually two degrees of damage to them," she said. (Recommended reading: not in love, it should be black and blue )
Why don't they just leave? Maybe we should listen to their answers first.
"He made me feel worthless and made me feel like I was the only one." It took me 25 to convince myself that it was really good #Whyistayed "
"The tiger father has no son. I thought it was so ... #whyistayed "
"#whyistayed because he made my world no one else but him. No friends, no relatives, I don't even know who to ask for help ...
"The problem isn't the day he started hitting you, but every day he makes you feel like you deserve to be beaten." #whyistayed "
"Because he stopped me and told me he had a gun on his head #whyistayed"
"Because I thought the divorce was a shameful thing #whyisayed"
"#whyistayed after he hit me for the first time, I promised to give him five years to change." #whyIleft when my daughter tried to kill herself and leave the family at the age of four ... "
"Because I cannot recognize who I am ... #WhyIstayed"
Listen to the answers to why they can't leave
"Because they always tell me" marriage is a lifetime thing, "and I don't want to be a failure case #whyIstayed"
"#WhyIstayed because this society makes the victims of home violence think" I must have done something wrong to be punished. "
"#whyistayed因为我以为只要我够爱他, he will one day stop his violence against me. #whyileft because I finally found that I don't go, he will kill me one day. 」
"#whyistayed because he told me" no one will love you like I do. " #Whyileft because I know his love is not called "Love" at all. 」
"#whyistayed because I feel humiliated, embarrassed, scared, overwhelmed #Whyileft ' cause I chose to live.
Perhaps the next time, in the face of domestic violence, we can do is not to lose a sharp "why not leave the good?" and to be able to stand in their perspective and try to understand their hesitation, struggle, or fear. Why are they afraid to leave? Why can't they go? Why do they know that leaving is a better choice but they are afraid to go this way?
Instead of asking women "Why not leave", we should ask men "Why do you choose to hit"! Because being beaten, it shouldn't be the victim's fault. (Same field Gayon: The victim is not disgraced, shameful is the person who hurt you )
Even remember this moment, if she is willing to share such intimate experience to you, please give her a big hug, let her know that she is not alone. (Recommended reading: elder brother and female student carry the incident mattress to accuse the culture of rape )
After the violence occurred ...
If you or your friend are positive about domestic violence, we recommend that you do so!
1. Make sure your life is safe
We know you're scared, take a deep breath and calm down.
When the conflict occurs, remember to try to avoid dangerous items, such as kitchen knives or. And to move away from the scene, not with the other side of the confrontation.
2. To find trusted friends or professional assistance
You are not a person, you are not.
Remember to find a friend around you can trust to accompany you to go home violence, tell your story, do not put all the sadness in mind. It's not embarrassing to be beaten, it's the people who beat you, you didn't do anything wrong. (See also: intimate violence, how does a good sister protect you?) )
Then you can seek professional assistance together, you can choose to report to the police or to the hospital emergency inspection, and can dial 24 hours of 113 dedicated line, let the experienced they together to help you, including the economy, law, shelter, psychological counseling, protection order application, custody fight and so on.
3. Application for Protection order
Let us accompany you to find a way to protect yourself.
Protection orders can generally be divided into ordinary protection orders and temporary protection orders. A victim of a family violence may apply for consideration of his or her situation and personal safety, or may be made by a police social worker.
4. Tell yourself, "I'm not wrong."
Dear you are not wrong, do not overly blame or scold yourself, you do not need to be responsible for his emotional control. This section of the road is very bitter, but I hope we can walk with you together.