We discuss the social expectations of women, and women's self-loathing ambivalence, and finally we look forward to the way ahead.
"When will sister Zhi Ling marry herself?" 」
"Will you start to worry that no one wants it?" 」
"Or do you want to make a public levy on the newspaper, and we can all help you?" 」
"Zhi Ling to add the strength!" If you don't get married, everyone in Taiwan will be worried. 」
Photo Source: Chibi Stills
This is a few months ago at the press conference, the topic revolves around the " Zhi Ling sister why not marry" circles, each one to hear the goodwill of concern behind, are hidden "as long as you do not get married, you are not complete, you let people worry about" the stereotype.
I was at the scene, looking at Zhi Ling sister with sweet smile Thank you for your concern, also tepid response to the reporter's one by one questions, but also polite to explain to everyone that they are also looking forward to meet another person in life, I still do not understand why she did not marry, incredibly became all Taiwanese anxiety problem; why she had to be in the so-called " marriageable age "but not to marry explain; why is it that the last thing we expect of a woman is that she marries herself and doesn't become a loser? As if otherwise, it doesn't matter. (Recommended reading:"You are too selective" so not married?) Did you make a mistake? )
In the eyes of the media, she is perfect but always missing a piece of the puzzle, and then how the cause of success again how beautiful no use, always have not married regret, she is not complete. Lin Chi-ling's scene, but also belong to all women in Taiwan are forced to the status quo, you do not seem to have seen a man so openly forced.
Why do you explain to us that she doesn't marry?
The ultimate myth of "loser" in a single rut that is difficult to escape
Sometimes, you close your eyes, but you feel that the world is still watching, the world in another way to expect you, many times full of malice. You can't help suspecting that if I don't, does it mean I'm not good enough?
Probably all women have thought about such a thing. If I choose not to marry, is not a kind of willful? Is it irresponsible of me not to have a child if I am married? If I choose my career in front of my family and career, who am I sorry for? If I continue to be single and worry my family, should I be the first to review myself? (Recommended to you: when a mother is a choice, not an obligation )
The modern dislike of the female complex is a beautifully packaged gift, which gives precedence to each of the checklist forms of the life, and the prophet-like rush to decide the future for you. If your path deviates a little, someone will jump out and shake their heads and say, "Oh, that's not going to get a good baby seal." With a beautiful banner for your worries, a statement of concern has nailed you to a social arrangement for women, and then we thought Taiwan's society was free.
This is Taiwan's obsession with women, and you must become a "woman" in the eyes of society. You'd better be able to easily and simply be defined and mastered, don't chiropractor oversteps moment, don't go out of your way, get the best out of the way, marry a good family, you have to take the other half's hand and just smile lightly.
We don't have much to say about the things we all know. So we can not help but bless each other as soon as possible out of single or early marriage and children, because the society keeps telling us that it is so terrible to be celibate women.
(Photo source: The Golden Age stills)
"Do you know?" I am a female, the female sky is low, the wings are thin, and the burden around is cumbersome. Yes, I'm going to fly, but at the same time I feel like I'm going to fall. Xiao Hong, a writer of the people, has written this in her writings.
Xiao Hong at the beginning of the people wrote such a sentence, the brush strokes have a soft but profound pain, he was in the patriarchal society in the situation of discontent and feel sad, but she was a woman. Another embodiment of the dislike of women is the contradiction of women's role in women.
We feel anger and sadness, the society's dislike of the female plot, but do not know who to lose temper, had to anger towards themselves, repeatedly whispered "must be because I am a woman".
Women only "married" a kind of happiness, old women only "broken" a path?
Women close to "marriageable age" were rudely dragged on chopping boards, take advantage of two, grabs, do not forget to tell you hurriedly promote to avoid selling out, do not find a way to sell themselves out, was scolded enough efforts; then the age of marriage becomes more and more distant until you choose to be celibate, and others ' cynicism is almost equal to rise, Also attached one or two broken mouth said you must be lonely. (Recommended to you: a woman or a winner )
Ibsen "Doll House" in the pen of Nora in 1879 early opened the door of the family, refused to when the doll walked to the unknown wilderness, but if the modern Taiwanese woman farewell to the good mother, Good Wife, good daughter, good daughter-in-law of the established imagination, whether can be regarded as a complete a person? I don't even have an answer.
Asian Society is disgusted with old age, especially in older women. Our imagination for an old woman, is that she must be old old appearance, the best is cauliflower-like roll head, do not touch cosmetics, an elegant face, elderly women do not get married people panic was shouted old maid, spend a little time to dress up their own shouting dead 38, still have a long black hair called nothing boring. The society, with all its ability to incorporate women, is lined up, unable to tolerate any heresy. I sometimes want to ask, when society will be willing to put women a horse?
(Photo source, CC Ariel K, @womany)
When I grew up, I found that the dislike of women and their own disgust always inseparable, a careless we become the social oppression of women's accomplices. I remember being surprised to say, "Why didn't she get married?" also tried to slit the female role between the "I am not such a girl", the other girls "other" to let themselves not hurt, I have thought that I have the same voice with men, and thus fell to the constant denial of the trap.
We have so many once, helpless helpless and self-disgust degree is proportional, the force and reaction finally back to their body, let us feel so painful.
Looking at Lin Chi-ling surrounded by microphones, I think of nori a few years ago also to CAI English public shout, want her to the National people explain why not marry, is sexual to have a problem? I think of Lin Xin as, Shu Qi and other people are always labeled "gold leftover" of the label, so the past few years, "Loser Dog", "leftover", "older unmarried" noun full-gush, we think that more progress, we think we have a choice, but step-by-step into a dead-end.
So, keep falling into the trap and blaming yourself for what can we do? What can you do in the face of a woman's feelings of disgust and hatred? The more painful the wound, the more you may have to look at it, look at the wound is there, you go to see the alarming, you poke will hurt, but if you choose not to look, the pain will only take root until rotten.
I always think so. There is a way, there is a woman's battle position, there is a negative vocabulary system, there is more than one kind of boredom, this path only we can come out. Many people have made the path ahead for us, think of the reactionary feminism, think of the escape and overflow of feminism, because of all the pain they have been subjected to. What we need to do is to be more determined to go on the road, to be impartial and convinced of the inevitable reasons for women, and to understand that we do not have to be sorry for our own standards, not to explain what.
This is our way of living.