Zengjia teacher, listening to her talk about the struggle for 40 years, only to exchange a new identity for their honesty, in the future, how we want to gently shout her once Kai core.
"I'd rather choose to be a girl, even if it didn't matter for ten years." 」
When we met her, she was the Zengjia core of a smiling face. Last April, "a teacher degeneration out of the cabinet" report became her shadow, people take Zeng and Zengjia core identity to ask her, she said she wanted to be a woman, waiting for a lifetime, the next days to their own honesty, with a woman's identity to live.
Memory of her, is a white yarn appearance, eyes laugh smiling up. She is not in a hurry to tear off the label, she extremely gentle proof of the existence is how the righteous thing.
Interview with Zengjia Core about the Hsinchu high-speed railway station, when she saw her, she wiped the purple red finger, carrying the Hello Kitty's handbag, the face swept the light powder, a fluffy hair, such a posture beautiful and relaxed. She wants to ask the world, if you look at my body, can you also listen to my soul? (Recommended reading:"We, is the soul can not find home" the story of transgender people small South )
If your soul is not in love with your body
The memory of budding youth is the body's whisper of your physical gender. Uplift of the Adam's Apple, the more the lower the vocal cords, the physiological reaction of the male organs, Zengjia-core youth, roaring Zeng's name and body breath, he bowed his head disgusted with the male characteristics. Trance of adolescence, Zengjia Core did the soul swap dream, hope to wake up is a girl's body.
"I can't agree with this organ, I really want to get rid of it with a knife ... Would like to do so, but the heart of course know not can, had to endure down. "Talking about the past, Zengjia with a reluctant smile. 60 's conservative era, lingering "female body" desire is too strong, the concept of gender identity is too far away, Zengjia core is the young beast of the male body, pale youth, endure the psychological yearning growth path.
He suppressed want to wear dress and degeneration of mind, he did not think and know can not say, "sad, I will talk to myself." I am more shy, for the idea of degeneration can only be a daydream, to have no courage, and always worry about the conservative environment. 」
To sniff the same in the newspapers and magazines carefully, Zengjia core remember that the first transgender people in the United States Christine Jorgensen and Taiwan's first transgender person Lin Huanhuan interview, he also know that after the degeneration, some people can never live the original life, can only be incognito hidden in the society to see the dark corner.
40 years so passed, Zengjia core embrace difficult to understand the mood, when the professor, married, want to have a daughter, several times want to share their secrets with his wife. At the end of 2013, after the wife died of breast cancer, Zengjia core suddenly feel nothing to worry about.
"Early next year, I was 50 years old, and I felt like I had a chance." I can accept the worst in the situation. I even thought that if I didn't have any friends after the degeneration, it wouldn't matter. If the school is unwilling to accept me, I will retire. 」
Zengjia the tone of the core of gentle and resolute, from the change of face book display, nail polish, dress, makeup began, step by step to loosen their gender role, hoping to wait for half a century, in order to live more selfish Frank. (same field Gayon: Jolin Tsai Concert reread Zengjia core: You don't know how much courage to do yourself )
From change to denaturation: I'm used to being strong inside
Students Whisper, one has a change in the "out of the closet" teacher, he used to be a boy, now looks like a girl yo. Teachers look at or about her smile, other people's eyes overnight changes in her life has been brewing for 40 years. Freedom and courage is never a thin word, it is in exchange for her life's obsession. (Recommended to you: a teacher's transsexual confession: from Zeng to Zengjia core, I have lived a woman in my heart )
"Just began to wear women's clothing, of course, there are obstacles in mind, worry will be seen through, to the toilet will not be driven out to think is a pervert." 」
In Taichung, the environment is relatively free, the imaginary parents or student protests did not happen once, some students admitted that the beginning is not used to, some students praise her dress, Zengjia-core thanks to the friendly environment, so that she can take real exchange.
"I am very fortunate." Cross-gender ethnic groups are not easy, bear the internal and external pressure of the double. A very contradictory struggle, and to face the external projection of the vision, many people will question and misunderstand you. Under the effect of double pressure, we used to be strong in the heart, accustomed to find ways to protect themselves. 」
After bold change, Zengjia is also a consultant to take the female hormones, she is very aware of the risk of taking drugs, but if more like girls, she is willing to bear the risk of short-lived. Zengjia and physicians began to evaluate the possibility of degeneration, to be more close to their own gender identity.
August 14, 2015, 10 hours of transsexual surgery, this day is the Zengjia core of the heavy birthday. "I was really happy when I got my ID card, and the first number changed from one to two, and I said goodbye to the positive organs I didn't agree with, no longer bothered." 」
Zengjia core of the soul no longer stray, found can settle down "female body" for home. After that day, she could see the world in the way she liked and longed for it, and the world could live with her in the way she wanted to.
I because Zengjia core speech sincere moved, Zeng and Zengjia core is not opposite two sides, both identity experience exist in her life, Zeng not die, is finally alive. Her body is a flower garden, capable of conserving and blooming different flowers.
After the six months of being a woman: less deliberately more natural
After the operation is nearly half a year, I asked Zengjia core to get a woman's identity after any changes, she shyly smiled, "the life before and after the transsexual surgery, in fact, not much different." The adaptation of life is very similar to me, the society to my identity imagination, before the operation Imperceptibly carried out. 」
After the degeneration, gets more is the conscience, the body and the mind fit, do not need to explain anything to the world. Zengjia core of the homophonic very much like "really happy", become a woman, Zengjia core every day is very happy. "After the operation, occasionally time is too late, I do not have makeup." Degeneration seems to me to find some kind of stability, no need to prove anything, more natural. "(Recommended reading: exclusive interview Zengjia:" After becoming a woman, I am happy every day ")
I think of Simompova, the woman is not born, but formed the day after tomorrow. Every woman has a "formation" of women's path, Zengjia core is the same, but she became a woman's process, more than we came longer, more pain. I took a sneak peek at Zengjia Core, now that she with only a gentle sweep of makeup on his face , choose to wear a neutral jacket, not so much that she is a woman, I think more is the concept of gender in her freedom.
After the operation, for many years against her change dress mother to the hospital to see her, quietly put down a pot of perch soup, Zengjia core slowly drink soup, think of their mother's children.
"In fact, the mother is still not very acceptable, she is very sad I also sad." But when the woman is my long dream, I do not want to take care of others, their own miserable life. I also learn to accept, because I tried. 」
It may not be the perfect ending that everyone expects. There are more times when communication is not good and painful, and more often than not, the collision will not bring a happy outcome. But even if the family and society cannot reach out to the hands of forgiveness, you still have to be convinced of why you are not compromising. Perhaps the body of a few knives is nothing compared to the great pressure of mental commitment.
Zengjia the idea of a physical loosening of the public, and details about women, fascinated her deeply. She learned make-up, said her favorite Earth color makeup, she personally sketched a woman's blueprint, slowly become the want of their own.
"I grew up envious of women with many beautiful little details. Nails, eyelashes, make-up, jewelry, different styles of clothing, women beautiful. The happiest thing about being a woman is being able to dress up and be liked. 」
No standard answer: I have a woman in my heart, and I love my wife.
After the degeneration, a lot of people ask her, then you have loved the wife? That is the combination of gender identity and sexual orientation, gender identity is the psychological thinking of their own gender, sexual orientation is what sex they like. "I have a woman in my heart, and I love my wife." 」
Zengjia The core smile said wife, that period of coexistence never past, "I often think of her, she and I just complementary, she lively and talkative, I introverted and shy, we two want a child." When I was joking, I created a virtual little girl called a chick. My wife made fun of me, saying that I might have been a girl in my life. 」
Zengjia said marriage is simple and profound, what is marriage? Marriage is two of people love and willing to live together, if can be a lifetime of course also very good mood. I think perhaps, the wife is know, know Zengjia core bosom do woman's dream, just can't wait for her to open, had to continue to cherish love in the next life.
Now there are Zengjia sisters around the core, social network is a new virtual settlement, they can easily recognize each other, forming alliances. "Transgender people around me mostly want to be transsexual, but they don't have the money or the environmental pressure to be transgender." "(Recommended to you: cross-sex models, listen to the voice of the body )
Gender can not be not a male or female two yuan opposition, and to accommodate the free State of Which? We want to be who, we want to love who, this is obviously a lifetime difficult problem, we can not only expect the standard answer. Zengjia The example of the students, "he is a sex character creator, and I like to dress, and the desire to look more like a girl, want to move the whole type of surgery to become a girl's face." But his gender identity is still a boy, just like costume. 」
"or Tony Chen, who is often ridiculed, has a feminine temperament, but he doesn't want to be a girl, but is often asked to dress as a dress." Zengjia Head, said Tony asked her to go to class before, she is very understanding because the gender temperament is ridiculed by society, but can only touch the feeling of the nose with smile. (Same field Gayon: "infatuated with hormones" let Love be free!) The love soul of transgender people )
"Most people's recognition of gender temperament, gender identity, sexual orientation is very broken, and will still follow the thread of heterosexual or male-female, which I think is a pity." 」
Zengjia is particularly implicit, she loves women, love their women's body, but also lovingly because the gender temperament is not expected to be rejected, gender temperament, gender identity, sexual orientation, are too deep topic, to use the length of life to answer their own.
I like the Zengjia core gently put the hair tip to the ear after the little gestures, as she is delicate embrace the world, more rational than imagined. She says the transgender community needs not her encouragement, but the ability to protect herself, to be financially independent, to choose a more gender-friendly environment; she gently said she wanted simple stability, not too much change of life, simple is very good.
There is no hate in her world, only very strong love. Zengjia Core said that they like Jolin Tsai, also like Zhang Hang of the baby, "Lala la La, my baby, tired when there is a personal accompany, oh ah ah ah, my baby, want you to know that you are the most beautiful." 」
This song, how I want to sing loudly for her.