Women are obsessed with sex. The book " no longer silent ," with you to share Chen Jiehao write down their three-year-old sexually abused experience . After reading this book, and the author of himself to meet, more his courage and awe. I hope his story can accompany more people through the night, those wounds live in the world, waiting for their own to solve the set. (Recommended reading: Gender Watch: Brazilian rounds of violence and ancillary sexual assault cases, their victimization experience is not your joke )
"I apologized to the forgotten child in the black hole because I left him here for 30 years." How to let a child experiencing severe pain and sadness believe that we are safe now, can again realize the warmth and happiness of the world, and the loss of love and care? I have to learn to be a child again. 」
Chen Jiehao in "no longer silent" in the victim confession, which this paragraph makes me sad for a long time. This book, read quickly, but I have divided three times to share the sadness of the heavy emotions.
For the 3-Year-old's sexual assault, hobbled for 35 years.
At the age of 3, he was sexually abused by a four-year-old nanny, who regarded him as a sex toy, asked him to lick a man's penis, touch a woman's nakedness with his hands, touch his genitals, and ask him to watch their sex process. As a child, he did not know what kind of treatment he suffered, he can only fear and patience, and wait for the delay of parents. His little age, he lost the will to live, he hunger strike, sleep, resistance to life. The only company to spend the night with Chen Jiehao is a shepherd dog in a nanny's home. As long as looking at the eyes of the animal, he can feel static, it is a pair of not hurt him, safe eyes.
This memory, in the process of Chen Jiehao growing up, it is his heart of the 3-year-old child of the original family despair caused by the decision. He found that his parents ignored the strange behavior of his mother and father, he found himself between the brother and his parents is superfluous, the family, are avoiding his existence.
Jie Hao deliberately forget this matter, in adolescence, high school joint exams, college he did not know his pain where to go. Why every day before going to bed, he will not sleep with the blame for the world, why each nightmare repeatedly entangled him. The body as a container, intent to firmly lock up those frantic pain, his heart has been a dragon in the fight beast, the ego bite. (same field Gayon: fear, shame, loneliness!) It took me 30 years to get out of the trauma of sexual assault.
Up to the age of 34, he was in the case of a child's heart with his wife, triggering a dusty switch in his heart. Those dreadful days were once with innocent children, and all came back. Jamie looked at the chaos of fear and the child hiding in the depths of fear. He decided to try his best to tell the world that the 3-year-old boy couldn't say anything.
3-Year-old Chen Jiehao.
Our whole society needs to learn to accept pain.
I see clean Hao , in a Taipei corner café, the environment of coffee machine, pop music, all the vigorous city situation, appear clean and fragile. His voice is small, like a squirrel escaping from the forest, eyes turn to look at the world, the eyes have many frightened and disturbed. In the early days of honest face, he even looked at strangers and cried without saying anything. I think he sits in front of us like this at the moment and doesn't know how much effort it will take. Jie Hao's wife come together, clean Hao need stability, will look at her eyes, she ordered a cup of hot teng shu pressure tea, the air exudes dense aroma, Jie Hao slowly say their experience of victimization.
Jie Hao said: "To tell their own story, at the beginning of a hesitant, such as the present occasion, will hesitate what I will get response, this is the most common survivors fear." When the decision to say the fear, is afraid that others do not believe me. "Listening to the recording of this article, the sound of the flash is still in the Kerala, I imagine the flash of a road pierced the normal silence of clean Hao, capture his lost childhood."
"I have written in the book, I told Mom and dad, they did not respond, you will have a strong contradiction, then how to do?" The pain of this life will not be understood. This is something that happens often in the family. since 1.5, I have practiced, and when I say it, I have been able to accept different reactions. I cherish those who accept me, thank them for their response to me. Some people do not know how to comfort me, may ask me to forget, things in the past to forget. In fact, it is not their fault, because our culture has not taught us to accept pain. "(Extended reading: 16-year-old girl gang rape in Rio de Janeiro, Brazil: We must remind the world that justice has not yet come )
Every survivor has the right to be forgiven.
So Jie Hao on the internet to write, Bao bottle culture Editor-in-Chief Yacun saw this story, for the shock and anger, she found the clean Hao, ask the clean Hao think don't want to book. Jamie promised, for the one who is still on the road of recovery, there are countless children like him.
ya June said: "I see on the internet, because friends ordered praise, see the masthead of the picture, I think the painting is too beautiful too good." I began to look at his paintings and then saw him write about his own experience, and I was too shocked and furious. So he wrote to him and talked about it. The process I told him that even if we sign you, you have no problem, because he used his pen name, said it is to bear, it has meaning, it may also hurt him. 」
In the process of writing, he also decided to confess to his parents. He must first abandon the essence of hurting him before he can go forward. Parents, as they were, said you were too much of a fuss, they said it was just improper discipline, they said I'm not well, you should worry about me first. Jamie understood that he was leaving the house. Parents are not God, in the life of the parents, the child has been sexually abused, is a shameful thing to mention, so they use material to make up, but did not take his hand, to understand his pain and anger.
"That is the nature of abuse, they hurt you, and forbid you to say pain, leaving you alone and blind to hope." 」
Someone asked Clean Hao, if the milk Father Mammy appeared, ask your forgiveness you will agree? Jie Hao said: "I am confident that I can heal myself, I do not have to meet the unreasonable expectations of this society, I want to forgive." "The value behind asking the victim to forgive is to criticize the victim for not being strong enough to strengthen the victim's personal failure and isolation."
Forgiveness or not, the attempt to divert the victim's "sacrifice" in the name of love is everywhere, such as our society tells the victim: it may be your problem to say that being sexually abused is humiliating and sexually abused. Jie Hao's brother told him: if I was a parent I would do so, things have been so long you let go. It is these "oppression", let Chen Jiehao more than 30 years to blame, as a victim, no need to use love to understand the people who hurt him, he has the right to forgive. (Recommended reading: don't let the sexual assault victims around you remain silent: accompany him through six sessions of Pain )
Please give yourself a chance to deal with the pain
"Out of this book, What I cherish most is the letter from many survivors. At two or three in the middle of the night, they will send a long letter, writing their life story. I cherish this interaction very much, they know that I am the object of security, I can understand, this is the biggest meaning of this book. We can deal with the pain, we have the opportunity to deal with the pain. 」
"To speak out is to expose one's past to the public," said Jamie's wife. There will be many difficulties, we have envisaged any pressure and consequences, advantages and disadvantages. I told him that openness is a process, and that healing is a process. may help, and may also hurt each other. Very shocking, he told me that when he was a child in the most painful nanny, said to himself, I want to say. The remark, which he trembled to say, repeated and repeated. 」
I would like to say that, is 3 years old to own commitment, after 35 years old, he has practiced the pledge, has not lived up to that time the superintendent lonely curled up in the corner child.
Jie Hao began in the letter to Anna[Note 1] blog Writing sexual Assault experience: "Anna's concept is a Spanish illustrator to encourage women to do their own creations." One of them, Anna was raped, see the picture of the moment, I think of some things, when I feel sad, I imagine someone to talk to me, I will go to find black dots, think of it as eyes, I think a lot of people need such a friend, can be safe to respond to it, will not hurt his people in reality. 」
The Ana was raped.
Ana, you're not alone.
It's not your fault.
This experience is not a definition of what you do as a person, you are more than that.
The wound does not exist because you forget it.
Clean in the absence of the heart of the innocent eyes, find the courage to believe. He also found a reason to trust the world again in the eyes of his wife. Jie Hao said: "The wound will not because you forget it, it does not exist ." "Everything will come back, like the 35-Year-old, who has enough power to face those facts and fears." Jie Hao
Animal eyes, has always let him feel at ease, visit the process of a moment, Chen Jiehao eyes have tears, that is left in the nanny's shepherd dog Jimmy, he said, I did not bring him out, he was my only belief in that period of existence.
I stopped recording the pen, took a piece of toilet paper, carefully handed to Chen Jiehao, I hope he knows, here no one will laugh at you cry, not like a bystander watching you cry, when you cry, we all have pain, anger, we hope to accompany you to cry.
A lot of pain, can not make up, you can only carry that wound, continue to stumble, Jimmy in each of his victims after the survival of the moment, with a single eye to calm the soul will be scattered. I always felt that Jamie was guilty of it because he could not take him out of that terrible world, for he was like a pain in the place of Jamie.
When Jimmy died, Jamie was very sad, but also breathed a sigh of relief: you can finally leave the dirty place. Jimmy, his 3-year-old innocence, is also a Chen Jiehao of a vague grief, only to look at its death, in order to clean up his remaining emotions in the world.
Read "No longer silent" always have to take a deep breath, in order to turn the next page. Clean Hao as a survivor sitting in front of me, word is not easy. I think of every sleepless night in which he was constantly swirling in his nightmares. Through so many gloomy, and he smiled, still like a child beautiful. Chen Jiehao, 35 years old, is practising how to be a child, how to be carefree, how to trust, and how to believe that someone who loves him really exists. (Recommended reading: taking part in filming Lady Gaga's accusation of a new school sexual assault: "Society should stop blaming sexual assault victims")
Jie Hao There are another two names, virtual identity first Chen Sanlang, and then Felis Simha accompany him to regain the most painful memories of life. From Chen Sanlang to Chen Jiehao, this is a long road, but he will arrive patiently. The end of the interview, Jie Hao left a: "I am still walking, there are many things can be done, if I feel trapped, I will try to find the next road." 」
[Note 1] Anna ( Ana) a message from the Post Internazionale on Facebook, the main hope is to convey to the sexual assault victim that he/they are not alone. This blog begins here, where the authors share experiences of sexual assault and how to find self-help and self-healing knowledge.