"Pregnant topic" this week fixed six points to meet with you! After yesterday's surrogate mother's discussion, let us also talk about the adoption phenomenon. In the face of modern people generally late marriage, given the low starting salary, it has become a "matter of luck" at the age of the aged, and if we do not regard blood as the sole criterion of judgment between parents, is it possible to have a breathing space for women who want to have children but cannot/will not? From a six-dynasty robbery son lawsuit, we talk about the contemporary adoption issue. (same field Gayon:"Pregnant topic" from "Orange Red" read Surrogate mother: is the uterus a privilege or a yoke? )
As a doctoral class students, married and children is a long time to dare to plan things. Remember junior that year, first love boyfriend's mother heard I was interested in research institute, intuitive reaction is worried: "That read it is too old to be born!" "Six years ago, I was a little older, and it was still so far away from me. As the old Song sings, the Woman is a flower. However, the flowering period is limited, if you can not knot the fruit of lush sweet, this life even if the branches of fresh-yan, is in vain.
Women are fleeting, old women are a thankless task. But in order to have children within the "golden pregnancy", how much are we willing to pay? On the way to dream, to make a rest stop to have a child, or to rush to the menopause before the exhaustion of various therapies, the pain of bed six months, to seek a biological blood? Or is there any alternative to the two? (Recommended to you: when a mother is a choice, not an obligation: a woman who does not want to have a child does not have to explain to society )
If you want to be a mother and have a baby with yourself, do you have to draw an equal sign? At least, for the ancients, these two things can be separated.
How did the ancients view motherhood and childbirth?
Remember as a child saw a TV show "Plum Brand", the drama of the big wife because of the fear of status does not protect, and the birth of the daughter and folk bought the boy exchange, thus staged a yincuoyangcha love tragedy.
In fact, although no child is considered to be one of the seven conditions that can be divorced from his wife, it is not a woman's serious fault to have a son on the actual execution surface. According to the record of the pre-Qin etiquette "ritual mourning", the relationship between two persons in a family is not by blood, but by the relationship between them and the parents of the family.
For example, a wife may not have a child of her own, but her husband and any child of life are her children. It can be seen that the blood between mother and son determines "who is my child" is not an ancient rule. No matter how far they are, or how close they are to their intimacy, their wives and concubines are closer to each other than their concubines and sons.
According to the history of the six dynasties and anecdotes of the record, is bastard after the cold di mother, close to the birth of the example, but more bastard for the education level, social status is better than a DI mother, to maintain lifelong respect for the heart. Because in a family, although the birth mother is to give life, but the cultivation of knowledge, personality is mainly dependent on a main mother as the main educator. In particular, the mother herself without children, bastard may be completely in front of the main mother, and the birth mother has not seen a few times.
Similar situation to the Ming and Qing dynasties more obvious. According to scholar research, at this time the family of the Di wife is entrusted with the main responsibility of the whole family of sacrifices, hospitality and daily admin, but to bear. Even because the pregnancy, production, confinement takes too long, a family of women in power can not spend so much effort and time on one thing, and therefore tend to let the concubine to bear the responsibility of childbirth. As a result, the concubine and the child, the wet nurse care, di mother education, the mother is divided into three of the Division of Employment.
So, in "a dream of Red mansions", we can see: The female di mother is emotionally more inclined to raise her grandmother's, rather than her mother. This is not the effect of the watermelon on the edge, but the woman in her grandmother and di mother upbringing, in the values and personality has been more inclined to the upbringing, rather than the birth of her mother.
So we will see, the same is the face of the noble nature of the spring, di mother Mrs. Wang chose to trust her, let her in charge of housework, mother Zhao Aunt but take advantage of her daughter to grasp the opportunity, hope to her to her favoritism. Compared with the two-phase comparison, the impact and emotional inclination of the spring is self-evident. (Recommended reading: The spirit of "beauty" in a dream of red mansions: The new Peking Opera "Spring" did not mention the woman heroic Spirit )
From the pre-Qin era of "ritual" until the Ming and Qing dynasties of family research, we can see that the ancients for "What Is Mother", in fact, not limited to life, education, teaching one-stop imagination. Although there is no lack of patriarchal structure of human positioning and "Division of labor", but can make reference to modern people, want to be a mother, not necessarily own life. With such a split, we can think about: if I want to be a mother, what is the reason? Do you want to be touched by blood? Or want the intimacy between mother and child and the comfort of affection?
If it is the latter, then we have to ask further: between the mother and the child, there will be sincere feelings?
You are not my birth, but I love you: A lawsuit to rob a son's story
In the Eastern Jin Dynasty, there was a woman, because the adopted son was returned to the birth mother by the clan to go to court. Such a dispute makes us wonder: is the blood of the mother and son a necessary condition for the situation?
Product married into the family for many years did not have children, her mother-in-law life his husband more concubine waiter for heir, her uncle will own son to sister-in-law to raise. After raising the adopted son, the feeling of life again had hope, she took the medicine to milk, in order to nurture the child herself. And everything close to the parents, meticulous care of this hard-won child. Even though her husband's concubine was born a year after his son, he still raised his nephew until he was more than 20 years old.
Uncle and her husband died in succession, sister-in-law Tao with small uncle already have offspring, mobilize the power of the clan, make the son back to the side. Product reluctant to keep more than 20 years, as if the parents of the nephew, then on the table court, hope to pity her a motherly love, will son return to her. (same field Gayon:"Dear" film review: No one is wrong, but everyone hurts )
From the contents of the table above, we clearly see what this adopted son means to her. As the Eastern Jin period of women, there is no biological son of her, in the vast patriarchal clan between the wandering. She could not see the hope of her own life, also can not see her own future, so she even willing to go to the church, leaving his home. Her brother-in-law pity her situation, willing to her own son to her upbringing, she thinks this is the uncle "concubine's body, forgive Concubine's ambition", sympathy compassion feeling leaps.
And after the husband has bastard, in terms of etiquette, she actually has an heir. But she thought it was the offspring of her husband, not his own son. So she said in the book, uncle put his own son to the sister-in-law to raise, not for the younger brother has, but to let this no son of the bitter woman in the family have a hope for the future.
This book later on in the court for discussion, male officials can not understand "nephew is not the offspring of the husband, but the wife's child" what kind of concept, in their view the husband's bastard nature is the wife's children, how can there be no fear? If the nephew is not the offspring of the husband, there is no place in this small family, of course, should be returned to the birth mother.
When he declares that his nephew is not her husband's heir, he is trying to rule out the doubts about the right to fight and to rob Resources, because the person who is not an heir cannot be divided into the resources of her husband. She did not want to use the adopted son and bastard, also do not want to borrow the son to stabilize their position.
Product in the book more to express is the day after day of breastfeeding and care, gradually cultivate the feelings of mother and child. She is willing to give up as a main mother for the bastard can declare rights, guarding their own raised children, quiet and low-key life of their own days. But such emotional demands, under the patriarchal structure, have no chance of being seen.
Thousands of years ago, product, struggling to shout "You are not my birth, but I love you," the mother of the mood, modern women do not have the desire to be a mother, but can not/do not want to own the possibility of childbirth? (Recommended to you: not born is domineering!) Hollywood actress: "Women do not have children to prove their integrity")
The problems of modern women's birth and childbirth
Is it possible for a woman to be a mother but not to have a child? The news that the "golden Pregnancy", which was promoted by WEIFAO in the past, has been the lowest in the world this year, shows that Taiwanese women do not want to be born or unwilling to live. (same field Gayon: Sex Observation: WEIFAO department "Golden pregnancy period" said, woman's belly to respond to how many social expectations? )
There are many reasons, such as economic problems, the so-called Golden Pregnancy 25-29-year-old girl, may not have married, or two talents with her husband both into the workplace, there is no sufficient capital to bear children. When you have a certain foundation, you may have a certain age.
At this time, pregnancy production needs to suffer a lot more than when young: including pregnancy is not easy, may need to take medical measures to assist, may be older and need long-term health care, or need to do a lot of pregnancy in the process of screening, even during pregnancy to the mother's loss, and more difficult to repair.
We admire the mother who has paid the price for a blood-linked biological child, but can not help but ask, if we can accept more yuan of parent-child relationship? For example, Angelina Lina Jolie's biological children and adopted children to form a close family, or Sandra Bullock have no biological children, but adopted a son and a woman. They poured their mother's love into their own children, and changed the life of the adopted child.
Besides age, can women not want to have children for other reasons? Pregnancy production for women is an irreversible process, you may be sagging chest, belly relaxation, have stretch lines, to endure pregnancy sickness, backache, insomnia, constipation and other discomfort, the production process to experience pain, shear perineum, and even the pain of laparotomy. This is like "There is no motherly love", but in fact, maternal love is not built in the birth, and not necessarily everyone has. (You will like: Happy Mother's Day!) Cool mom Big woman Weekly: Let motherly love become the Workplace Force )
Do women have a right to love themselves more, or to be more afraid of physical pain, so even if they are willing to pay attention and education to their children, but do not want to go through the process of motherhood?
Can a single woman who has no desire to run a long-term partnership make her a mother by adopting a procedure?
If we are willing to unravel the inevitable link between pregnancy production and motherhood, if some people can not or do not want to experience the pregnancy and production, but also want to become a mother, to caress a child, experience the intimate feeling between mother and mother Desire, then perhaps the concept of motherhood, can be less pressure, a little more freedom.