Sometimes, it's hard to believe that love is unreasonable. We can not decide whether to fall in love with the inappropriate person, can not predict when the other party will look at us do not like to turn away, can not restrain themselves from another heart sad joy, in love, we even own heart can not grasp, so we have much fun, I have been hurt so much.

But fortunately, there are still people who can understand us. Those who shut themselves in the door of the night, we in the Sea Moss bear delicate words, see their shadow. We are all the same, have been the limits of friendship There is the hesitation can reach out the hands of the people, have done no more, have read my love that stare at line do not put the girl, and then saw you are not love, but do not want to hurt again , We only discovered that the biggest difficulty actually is oneself, is we and oneself to pass through. Honey, have you ever thought, if love is so bitter, why do we keep falling in love?

Hai Tai Bear said: "No one loss will make you doomed to lifelong loneliness, but there will be no one promise to exempt you in love all the pain." 」

Maybe this is love, perhaps to the end of the head, no one can learn, or whether to learn, learn well not the focus of love, every love, take us to know that we have never known ourselves. When Love meets psychology, what kind of sparks will be wiped out? This evening we invited the sea-moss-bear, come with us to spend the warm love time, the face reveals the childlike sea bear to talk about the love is very mature, he wants to say perhaps "The love, is also because we hope someone to witness our life, walks together with us through the life inside, all or cries or smiles the process." "So think of it, we are every talk about a relationship, we learn a little more!" listen to how the Sea bear sees love, and say nine things about love. (Want to have a face-to-face chat with the Sea Moss Bear)"Woman fan Salon" ouch love yo! A lifetime of love exercises )

1. Do you believe in love? How would you describe the love thing?

I don't believe in eternal enthusiasts, but I believe we always have the ability to be brave.

Usually I use intimacy, passion, and commitment three elements to describe the composition of love, because this is the simplest and easiest way to understand [1]. The human brain has a strange tendency to memorize three items much easier than remembering more items [2].

But Sternberg, a psychologist who put forth ternary theory, admitted in his later life that there was no way to understand love so simply [3, 4]. He found that love is like a different story, each of the feelings are unique, and some feelings of happiness, such as heaven, sad quarrel and full of entanglements, and some feelings seemingly smooth, but always in a short time to find already full of problems.

So later I will be more inclined when Love describes as: "A journey to find the courage of the soul." "In this journey we may face various emotional ups and downs, struggle with contradictions, or even give up believing, but may also encounter different people, affecting our values and beliefs."

No one's loss will make you doomed to lifelong loneliness, but there will not be any promise can exempt you in love all the pain. But also because of this, we have the opportunity in every smile and tears, see their own resilience.

2. Share your favorite Love classic dialogue (film or literary works) with us?

"This is a thing that has long been forgotten, it is to make one day different from other days, so that a moment is different from other times." "──< Little Prince >

The most special part of establishing a relationship is when you are genuinely in the same room with a person, and this time and space becomes exclusive to you and unique. In our past love-memory experiments, whether or not this relationship is ultimately sustained, if there is any likelihood or integrity, most participants will talk about a particular moment in their relationship [5].

When a place has a memory, he is no longer just a place, but will live in your life.

3. Would you describe love with one thing? (a color, a place, an object ...) Wait

I have invited a speaker or a student in many places in Taiwan to ponder a question: What is love like to you? There are many answers to their questions: birds, potted plants and rainbows. After all, for many people, love not only has some dream ingredient, but also needs careful care, and in a good relationship, we can feel loved and free at the same time.

To me, I think love is like a furry bear.

"Every girl should have a bear. "There was a time when I advertised the book for the Island ," one respondent said. She said that the boy who sent her bear had made her feel very romantic and intimate, although to finally discouraged him, she still enjoyed with him when the warmth and safety of the feeling. In fact, in our development of the flow card , when we want participants to pick a card to represent his feelings, the most candidates is a bear doll around the card, and in line's role-voting activities, Chongda is also the most popular throne.

What's the magic of a bear doll? When you hold a puppet, you can meet two basic needs at the same time: love, and be loved. Bears are always linked with warmth, and it's easy to feel safe every time we hold a bear puppet. (same field Gayon: a letter from a girl to her future boyfriend: Will Your love make Me grow?) )

4. What do you think/describe the love affair? Do you think it's possible to be passionate all your life?

"I like you very much, Midori. 」

"How much do you like?" 」

"Like a bear like a spring. 」

"The Bear of spring?" The green looked up again.

"What about the Bears in spring?" 」

"When you walk Alone in the wilderness of spring, there is a cute little bear that looks like a velvet-eyed, round and big one." And say to you, "Hello!" Miss, would you like to roll on the ground with me? 』

So you're hugging a bear and rolling around on Clover's lush hill slopes for a whole day. Isn't that nice? 」

"Very nice." 」

"I like you so much." "Green held me tightly on my chest.

--Village of Spring tree < Norwegian forest >

It is a pity that such a passionate love is not eternal. I feel love is like rolling on the grassland, always useful energy and childish. In fact, the hormone "phenylethylamine" (phenyl ethylamine, PEA) in Love will subside in about 6-48 months.

It sounds sad, but over three years of love is really hard, because you will always be in a state of excitement and yearning, but nothing.

But that does not mean that long-term relationships cannot be sustained. The role of hormones such as dopamine, endorphin, vasopressin, oxytocin, etc., will allow you to continue to operate and feel peace and quiet. So when we ask how we can love each other for the rest of our lives, why not think upside down: how can we add novelty to a smooth relationship?

In this world, it takes time to really make you. You can certainly look forward to the sudden emergence of the corner of the heart, but perhaps more importantly, how to put the heart of the good weave into their own lives.

5. Please share with us one of your most unforgettable experiences in love, have you ever had the experience of brokenhearted and crying?

That day, I waited downstairs in her house for a long time, I want to know what has changed between us? I'm so good, why is he willing to leave me? Finally, she appeared in front of me, giving me three reasons to be rational. She said: "I think it may be a long time, the enthusiasm has disappeared." It may be you are too sticky recently, I like the feeling of freedom. There may be you are admitted to Taiwan, we spend less time, distance will be our heart to pull far. "At that moment, I felt firmly that she was so far away from me. I am very sad, but I do not know how to resolve this sadness (excerpt from < This is the psychology of breaking Up >).

When I went home, I was chatting with the driver in a taxi, only to feel stuffy and not cry out. The driver did not know how to comfort me, had to share his experience with me: "I have been with a woman for more than two years, then found that he does not care about me, but every time I go out with friends, I let him feel very face." But after all, I just drive a taxi, how long can I keep it for a wide treat? In fact, the feelings go to the end you will find that sometimes we just temporarily put down those who do not fit their own people, but now you just broke up, can not accept it. "(So perhaps, you really should put down, not he )

Sure enough, I came home that day and I hid in the quilt and cried. The reason I use the word "think" is because I feel so sad, in fact, I "should" collapse is right, but not. I wrapped myself in a circle, in my mind to replay the good picture of the past, and then have been thinking about what he will go, but a drop of tears will not flow down. It was not until later that I understood that the first response to the loss was not sadness, but denial and exploration of the cause [6, 7].

6. How would you describe yourself when you were madly in love? And the lovelorn self? A single self?

A person has a person's freedom, two people have two person's gentleness.

The most fear is that we are single when we miss the security of holding hands, in the company and desire to have more of their own space. When I am in love, I often feel like the stove that never burns the firewood, always has the energy to pay for loving, to do more things for my partner, the time of lovelorn is like the dead wood of the water, just want a person to be discarded aside, no one to ignore.

I was in communication with Pipi asked a question: Why God to create the mechanism of love, but also let us have the possibility of lovelorn? Then I finally found out that the answer lies in: process. To grow up is to find a balance between "intimacy" and "autonomy" in "Becoming Yourself" and "Building Relationships" [8]. Learning balance is difficult, so we have to play the stove and the dead wood, and then gradually realized from the two feet, a person can have a lot of happiness, but if you choose two people, you have to pay a total amount of flexibility and adjustment. (To see the skin of the answer: no love of the world, really a ghost place )

The perfect single, and the perfect together, must first start from their own sense of security to build.

7. What is the good love in your mind?

Wow! This problem is very difficult. Good things are always more difficult to define than bad things, just as many people ask me, how to be a safe attachment, I can only say that one of the most commonly adopted ways is to define "secure attachment"[10 "in the form of" not unsafe attachment ", as the Psychiatric Diagnostic Manual (DSM) defines as" normal person ". However, perhaps we can find clues to happiness [11] from the 2010-year Benjamin Review article.

(1) The first three relationship killers are: three (alternative), Conflict (conflict) and unsafe attachment (insecure attachment). (2) The first three in the long term relationship are: commitment (commitment), satisfaction (satisfaction) and investment degree (investment).

So a good relationship is built on the basis of mutual devotion and trust. If you still think the answer is too old to be romantic, then the positive illusion (Positive illusion) [12] is also important: "The person who really suits you, you will always see his special and irreplaceable." 」

8. Although love does not talk about conditions, but we are often a certain type of people deeply attracted, can secretly and we disclose your mate conditions?

Pleasing to the eye, safe, good communication.

First of all, although we often say that the connotation is more important, but can not be denied that the first meeting, external or dominate a large part of the attraction AH [13]. Again, from past studies we have found that it takes a lot of intelligence and flexibility to get along with an insecure attachment, especially when I guess I'm an insecure attachment, so if possible, try to be able to filter out the people who are extremely restless at the outset and avoid dragging each other down [14, 15].

In the end, I can't stand the evaporation of the world and I can't read it back, so if we want to separate or find some problems in my feelings, I hope we can at least use the discussion instead of escaping. After all, the values are inconsistent and unable to communicate, has been the reason for the first place to break up [16]. (Can not read back?) no more, read my love

9. What is the most touching thing you have ever heard? Which one do you think is the most touching word?

I most like my own in < get back to the original feeling > said this paragraph: "Life is so hurried dozens of, people around come and go." Sometimes stillness, you sit down and think, what is there to stay in this life? What's the difference between me and no one? Think about it, feel lonely and lonely up. But if a person can always be around you, staring at your life, your every move, in your lonely lonely time to accompany you, even if sometimes he will throw cups, tantrums, misunderstanding you, we still need such a person. For he has witnessed us, and witnessed that we have lived. 」

In fact, this is a teacher to the film of the male and female characters of the dialogue. The private detective in the movie asked the heroine Susan Shalandden: "Why do people want to get married?" She replied, "because we need someone to witness our lives." In marriage, you promise to take care of everything, good, bad, fearful, and mundane. Everything. "

The real blessing is not in the vast sea of huge crowd finally found a true love, but in the future to get along with a lot of difficulties, but still step-by-step through.

10. Who hasn't had a few injuries in love, you want to say to the boys and girls who are hurt and afraid of being single ...

Remember that there is a big speech, because it is to learn sister-in-law, simply breathe a little deeper, from how to understand, four love theory, how to get along, talk about the separation adjustment, also brought a few love exploration activities, the result is too greedy to talk about. I also asked myself, if love is a possibility to turn passers-by into strangers, why should we waste time?

Later, a student said: "Love is like plants, need to be careful to care for God, but we have changed a little in love, so it is great." "Although very old terrier, but also the fact."

We begin to learn to sacrifice for a person, change for one person, even become a little dislike ourselves, so began to learn to distinguish, what kind of person is worth you for him, also for their own pay, what kind of people with him to get along only with each other.

Which person is not in love, challenge more oneself? Perhaps happiness is a path that can never go, in the process, some people leave, some people leave, some people become unfamiliar, some people once heart-to-heart but suddenly lost, but we have to continue to go on.

Some people are destined to be our lives in the passing, and some people in our lives to come down, write to you and you, about love nine small things, these small things in fact also string up our love inside all the stories. (Recommended reading: Seven things to keep you and your true love through )

2/22, come and meet the charming sea-moss bear. 〉〉"woman fan Salon" she and he said: "Ouch love yo!" A lifetime of love exercises

聽他們說說愛,我們都不寂寞
〉〉從五部愛情電影裡,學我愛你的照樣造句
〉〉女人迷獨家專訪:肆一給女孩的九句愛情箴言
〉〉女人迷獨家專訪:聽貝莉說真愛存不存在
〉〉最美的愛,是讓你從自己身上發現愛
〉〉幸福的條件:愛,不需要說服自己

文獻出處

  1. Sternberg, R.J., A triangular theory of love. Psychological Review, 1986. 93(2): p. 119-135.

  2. Donovan, J., TED Talk 十八分鐘的祕密. 2013: 行人.

  3. Sternberg, R.J., LOVE AS A STORY. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 1995. 12(4): p. 541-546.

  4. Sternberg, R.J., Love stories. Personal Relationships, 1996. 3(1): p. 59-79.
  5. 程威銓、王雅鈴、林以正, 寫出幸福:一體感影響個體對關係滿意度的知覺, in 第四十九屆台灣心理學年會2010: 台灣,嘉義.
  6. Kübler-Ross, E., On Grief and Grieving: Finding the Meaning of Grief Through the Five Stages of Loss. 2005: Simon & Schuster Ltd.
  7. Sorenson, K.A., et al., Account-Making, Confiding, And Coping With The Ending Of A Close Relationship. Journal of Social Behavior and Personality, 1993. 8(1): p. 73-86.
  8. Slotter, E.B., C.W. Duffy, and W.L. Gardner, Balancing the need to be “me” with the need to be “we”: Applying Optimal Distinctiveness Theory to the understanding of multiple motives within romantic relationships. Journal of Experimental Social Psychology, 2014.
  9. Rodrigues, A.E., et al., What predicts divorce and relationship dissolution?, in Handbook of Divorce And Relationship Dissolution, M. Fine and J. Harvey, Editors. 2005, Psychology Press.
  10. Brennan, K.A. and P.R. Shaver, Dimensions of adult attachment, affect regulation, and romantic relationship functioning. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 1995. 21(3): p. 267-283.
  11. Le, B., et al., Predicting nonmarital romantic relationship dissolution: A meta-analytic synthesis. Personal Relationships, 2010. 17(3): p. 377-390.
  12. Murray, S.L., et al., Becoming irreplaceable: How comparisons to the partner's alternatives differentially affect low and high self-esteem people. Journal of Experimental Social Psychology, 2009. 45(6): p. 1180-1191.
  13. Asendorpf, J.B., L. Penke, and M.D. Back, From dating to mating and relating: Predictors of initial and long-term outcomes of speed-dating in a community sample. European Journal of Personality, 2011. 25(1): p. 16-30.
  14. Diamond, L.M. and C.P. Fagundes, Psychobiological research on attachment. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 2010. 27(2): p. 218-225.
  15. Domingue, R. and D. Mollen, Attachment and conflict communication in adult romantic relationships. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 2009. 26(5): p. 678-696.
  16. 白秀玲 and 柯淑敏, 分手的哲學, in 兩性關係與性別教育-理論與實務. 2006, 心理出版社: 台北.

延伸閱讀

  1. Sternberg, R.J., A triangular theory of love. Psychological Review, 1986. 93(2): p. 119-135.

  2. Donovan, J., TED Talk 十八分鐘的祕密. 2013: 行人.

  3. Sternberg, R.J., LOVE AS A STORY. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 1995. 12(4): p. 541-546.

  • Sternberg, R.J., Love stories. Personal Relationships, 1996. 3(1): p. 59-79.
  • 程威銓、王雅鈴、林以正, 寫出幸福:一體感影響個體對關係滿意度的知覺, in 第四十九屆台灣心理學年會2010: 台灣,嘉義.
  • Kübler-Ross, E., On Grief and Grieving: Finding the Meaning of Grief Through the Five Stages of Loss. 2005: Simon & Schuster Ltd.
  • Sorenson, K.A., et al., Account-Making, Confiding, And Coping With The Ending Of A Close Relationship. Journal of Social Behavior and Personality, 1993. 8(1): p. 73-86.
  • Slotter, E.B., C.W. Duffy, and W.L. Gardner, Balancing the need to be “me” with the need to be “we”: Applying Optimal Distinctiveness Theory to the understanding of multiple motives within romantic relationships. Journal of Experimental Social Psychology, 2014.
  • Rodrigues, A.E., et al., What predicts divorce and relationship dissolution?, in Handbook of Divorce And Relationship Dissolution, M. Fine and J. Harvey, Editors. 2005, Psychology Press.
  • Brennan, K.A. and P.R. Shaver, Dimensions of adult attachment, affect regulation, and romantic relationship functioning. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 1995. 21(3): p. 267-283.
  • Le, B., et al., Predicting nonmarital romantic relationship dissolution: A meta-analytic synthesis. Personal Relationships, 2010. 17(3): p. 377-390.
  • Murray, S.L., et al., Becoming irreplaceable: How comparisons to the partner's alternatives differentially affect low and high self-esteem people. Journal of Experimental Social Psychology, 2009. 45(6): p. 1180-1191.
  • Asendorpf, J.B., L. Penke, and M.D. Back, From dating to mating and relating: Predictors of initial and long-term outcomes of speed-dating in a community sample. European Journal of Personality, 2011. 25(1): p. 16-30.
  • Diamond, L.M. and C.P. Fagundes, Psychobiological research on attachment. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 2010. 27(2): p. 218-225.
  • Domingue, R. and D. Mollen, Attachment and conflict communication in adult romantic relationships. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 2009. 26(5): p. 678-696.
  • 白秀玲 and 柯淑敏, 分手的哲學, in 兩性關係與性別教育-理論與實務. 2006, 心理出版社: 台北.