Why did I apologize to the man who raped me?

"Is it because I'm wearing a sexy red dress that I agree to give myself to you, your friends, and your dad?" I have a gun around me, there is a man behind me ... "--tori Amos" me and a Gun "

In the same year, Turkish men took to the streets to express their solidarity with the raped and murdered woman, Aslan , One of the seven perpetrators of the Indian round of violence declared acquitted; the Iranian girl was sentenced to death after being in self-defense with the rapist; rape and sexual assault sound always in the distant country, but in real life, as long as the serious thought, the rationalization of rape and the culture of body-picking has never been less.

Look to Taiwan, for example, a man who has recently left a message on a candidate's political opinion, "I really want to show you what it's like to have an unmarried pregnancy." Women do not know how to protect themselves, "when men are complacent with the control of the female body, society is whispering to you, if something happens, it must be your dress and behavior of the wrong."

Culture of violence, regardless of national boundaries, has been a global sexual abuse, we can not hide.

"Why did I apologize to the man who raped me?" The following text translated from Medium to the hot topic. "Through the author Deirdre Fidge past victimization experience to reveal, truthfully present the victim's mood in the first time, and feel the questioning and oppression."

It also raises a few key questions, "is the loss of consciousness a reason for rape?" Why do we not condemn the perpetrator despite the existence of the violence in the circle of friends? "Rape, is not an outside imagination of a willing to fight?" 」

Why did I apologize to the man who raped me?

It's easy to tell the truth by drinking. After a few cups of soup, I found that my female friends, regardless of age, occupation, background, we almost have a common experience, that is rape, sexual harassment, sexual assault experience. Sex is a difficult power relationship, and it's more difficult to violate your object as a good friend in your life. (Recommended reading: taking part in filming Lady Gaga's accusation of a new school sexual assault: "Society should stop blaming sexual assault victims")

We always think of the rapist as vulgar or far away from life, because it is easier and safer to think of a rapist as a "circle of life" than to admit that he is the drinking buddy of your meeting bar, or the Twitter friend you often chat with.

But that is not the case. Many times you have been raped by people who are very close to you.

When I was 17 years old, I went to a party with a couple of my friends, and one of the boys I had been flirting with for weeks. Let's call him P. That night, as you can imagine, with all the nonsense of teenagers, we drink with wine, dance unsteadily, with bad r&b music.

I drank too much and completely lost consciousness.

The next thing I remember is that I woke up from a cloud of smoke and someone was pressing on me. I felt the pain between my legs and I found it difficult to understand. It was dark and I didn't know where I was and I didn't know who was on my body. I glanced at him and found that he was P.

I passed out again.

The next morning, I was very uncomfortable, P drive me home. I drank too much, threw up on his car, my temples ached, my head was dazed, and my mind flashed past last night's footage.

I haven't talked to anyone about what happened that night, because I don't remember it. Until one months later, I had a drink with a couple of people present at the party, and I blurted out, "I feel like I was raped the other day." "(same field Gayon:" is the girl deserved to be picked up corpse? "The ubiquitous culture of violence Rape Culture."

The word rape sounds so scary, so strong, so precise.

My male friend told me that one day he saw me drunk, so he carried me into the room. P wanted to break in, he told P I was dead, don't disturb me. Obviously, P didn't listen to his words at all.

Listen to the whole story, I feel very uncomfortable, I feel the same strong confusion. Why is it that when everyone knows that rape happens, no one wants to talk to me afterwards?

A few weeks later, a female friend of mine told me that when P heard me say that I was unconscious on the day, P was totally tough on the bow, and he felt "very frightened to hear such accusations". My friend stared at me and said, "Hey, you know, two people jump Tango, one is willing to fight." 」

At the moment, I hastened to send a text message to P, I apologized to him, I said sorry, what happened that night I also have responsibility.

And now, as I look back on this young workaholic like before First century, I want to protest loudly. I want to protest against the acquiescence of his friend who raped me, and I want to say "one willing to fight" with a friend, and I want to protest against a friend who knowingly raped me without my conscience. The most important thing is that I want to hug the clumsy self, I would like to seriously tell her that it is never her fault.

The so-called "manly" is very cunning, hiding in any class, company, or group. When men find that his friends violate women, most of the time they tend to pretend they don't see it. And such a phenomenon must stop.

If the same thing happens to you, you never dare tell anyone. I want to tell you, I believe you, I support you, I stand with you on the same front.

How I hate this kind of experience is so common in the circle of female friends. The incident, we first review ourselves, the community to blame us, and the people who raped us fled, think that this thing is not wrong. How I hate the violence, and I know that we have to stick together, both men and women. (same field Gayon: write down your pain: it's not your fault, you don't have to bear it alone )

A woman's body is not zu meat! Losing consciousness is the best rejection.

The number of victims in the world, the first time after being raped or sexually assaulted, was, "Did I do something wrong?" "Did I make him misunderstand and invade me?" "How many perpetrators, after the incident, will deeply review themselves and apologise for their own lust for control?"

According to my experience with my friends around me, I know this is a terrible proportion.

In France that year, after a party I was drunk with another female friend in the same bed, I saw a Korean friend climbed the bed, lying on the body of a friend, it is necessary to untie their buttons. I pushed him hard, and he stared at my yuppie laugh: "What's the matter, anyway, she's drunk." I stared at him, held my friend tightly, and insisted that he should leave.

"She's drunk anyway." "What does that mean?" The body of a woman is like the zu in his eyes, and he can walk freely, without consent. Rejecting him at the time, I remember my hands trembling, in fact I was afraid.

Why should we be wary of the vision and malice that the world casts on the female body? Why is it so hard for women to protect their bodies? Why do so many people become violent accomplices unconsciously? I still can't understand the culture of the corpse-picking, what is the pleasure of having a relationship with a woman without consciousness? (same field Gayon:"She should shut up and let us sexually invade" "daughter of India" documentary to uncover the truth of the Indian round of violence )

Drunk is not "can pick up the home" excuse, lost consciousness is obviously the best refusal.

When we open the joke of the culture of corpse-picking, and warn the woman to go home early, dress properly, behave properly, don't get drunk, we encourage the rapist to evade the responsibility and to strengthen the culture of rape. Data show that nearly 60% of rape cases have not been reported, because compared with the review of rapists, society prefers to hunt women's lust and body, for the victims labeled "Love Play", "indecent", "do not know how to protect themselves" label. The victim dared not say or say, and had to hate his body again and again. (Recommended reading: being raped is not a woman's fault!) #YesAllWomen say a woman's voice )

"I have never been spared the fear of rape. --1971, feminist Susan Griffin

How much have we progressed from 1971 to the present? Let us stop blaming the victims, let us condemn the exhumation culture, so that we are not accustomed to the existence of a culture of rape, because a victim, is already too much.